Hi everyone! It's week 24 over here (plus a day, 'cause I missed my blogging day yesterday). For some reason 24 feels good - I don't know why, it just feels like some sort of milestone for something.
The big news here is that school is starting next week, I am taking my boys on a road trip tomorrow morning for brother Jer's wedding, my doctoral session starts pretty much now, and I'm sure there are about 50 things of a more minor nature that I could list as well. Like the fact that there are so many veggies coming in, Jordan or I has been canning basically every day. Or that there are so many soccer games & practices between now and the end of October that I am not certain I can even count that high. Or that I get to go play at Sego Lily School starting Tuesday, which is something I have really missed this summer. Etc.
For me, this is all 'big news' because I have said about a jillion times that I know that once fall hits, time in this pregnancy is going to FLY. There is SO MUCH going on between now & when this baby arrives, I can't imagine having a moment to be bored or anxious or counting the days (not that I would ever have an exact number of days to count anyway, but you get the idea). Now that it's really here (the marathon starts in about 14 hours), I'm both happy/excited, and sad/mourning. Happy/excited because these are all things I have been looking forward to. Sad/mourning because honestly, this is my last pregnancy and while of course I cannot wait to meet this baby, I also am cherishing these pregnant moments and I don't really want them to end. Note to friends and family: please remember to quote me on this around week 38/39 when I am way more interested in giving birth NOW.
The other news of note is that we started our birth class last week. Nothing much to report, the leader is cute (though I am much well versed in the material than she seemed to be, but that might be her nervousness, who knows). They did one of those exercises with a backpack filled with stuff to represent the baby, extra fat, amniotic fluid, etc, it weighed about 35 pounds total, and each of the dads wore it for awhile. It made a big impact on Joe - he said it was sitting on his bladder the whole time, lol, so he understood kind of what it must be like for me. I appreciate that he really let that in - it feels like he's been sweeter to me this week as a result :). Of course that might be my imagination. We have class again tonight. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut while I'm there - I only added things about 40% of the time last week. I'm aiming for 25% this time. We shall see.
Wish me luck - lots of driving ahead this weekend (about 10 hours each way, and I'm the only adult). I almost wish Corbin was 2 years older and had a learner's permit, though I don't know if I could handle him driving on highways at 75 MPH. Actually just typing all of that made me realize that I DO NOT actually wish he was 2 years older. Forget I even said that....
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Week 23.
There is a large mango in my uterus, and it weighs about 1.5 pounds. At least this is what my pregnancy tracker is telling me. I know this mango to be an inspiring gymnast and/or slam dancer, who feels the need to spend most of every day wriggling or hiccuping in my belly. I love every minute of it.
This little 'who' is one lucky who. With somewhere between 7-12 brothers & sisters who are awaiting his/her arrival. We had a conversation at the breakfast table last week that went something like this:
Eve(7) (Jordan's daughter): There's a baby in Jen's tummy, you know!
There is a large mango in my uterus, and it weighs about 1.5 pounds. At least this is what my pregnancy tracker is telling me. I know this mango to be an inspiring gymnast and/or slam dancer, who feels the need to spend most of every day wriggling or hiccuping in my belly. I love every minute of it.
This little 'who' is one lucky who. With somewhere between 7-12 brothers & sisters who are awaiting his/her arrival. We had a conversation at the breakfast table last week that went something like this:
Gabe(10): I'm going to teach the baby to skate & bike & scooter, and probably to play soccer, too.
Joe: What if s/he turns out to be better than you?
Gabe: Then I guess I will quit competing and become a coach.
Athan(6): I'm going to teach the baby to swim & rock climb & play Minecraft
Gabe: I'm never letting this baby near you on the computer. Minecraft is stupid and will rot it's brain.
Luke (2): That's my sister!!!!
Eve: well it's kind of like my
sister too, except it isn't, well maybe sort of. I don't really know.
But I would really like it to be my sister.
Darius (6, friend who lives on our property): mama, will this baby be like my brother or sister, too?
Alyssa (his mom): not really, but you can call it anything you want, I bet Jen would be OK with that.
Darius: Jen, can it be my brother or sister? All of these kids have brothers & sisters & I don't.
Me: well, when the baby is born,
it isn't going to know who it's 'real' brothers & sisters are - so
if you love it, it will love you back like a brother.
Darius: That's freaking awesome.
I agree with Darius - it's freaking awesome. Babies come into the world with no boundaries - s/he won't know that this child is a half sister, this one is technically not related at all, this one is a cousin, etc. There are just PEOPLE - all different sizes, colors, shapes & smells. And there is LOVE. Period. Oh, and hunger, wetness, and cold ;) Have to deal with those, too....
We are getting close to settling on some names - they will not be released to the public before the birth ;). But I am falling in love with baby even more as s/he gets more concrete. This will be a real person, with a name & a nickname, and arms & legs and all of those wonderful things.
I also met with Ginger of Earthside Birth Photography - I'm so excited to have her attend the birth and capture the sacred event - she does beautiful work, and knowing her philosophy of non-intrusiveness with birth, I know she will be a perfect person to have around. She is also excited to photograph in the Yurt - it's a really beautiful & unique space, I'm getting more excited to nest out there close to the birth & have the baby born into its' sacred walls. We also start birth class tomorrow night - Joe has never experienced a natural birth before, and I need him trained ;). It will be nice to meet with some other pregnant women, too, even though I probably know more about birth that the woman teaching the class, as wonderful as she is. I'll take it as an opportunity to spread some wisdom when I can, and provide support as needed. And take the support where it is offered.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Week 22 (plus a couple of days)
Week 22! This post is a couple of days late - it's been a whirlwind around here the last few days, and I have had very little time to sit down, much less quiet moments at my computer for writing or reflecting.
(I can no longer stand to insert pictures of developing fetuses here - the image search turns up too many miscarried babies born around this time - so just imagine a cute image of a 22 week fetus in utero...)
My 2nd trimester energy has continued - I've canned a ton of pickles, some apple pie filling, and a few jars of grape jam (Jordan did most of a batch and ran out of pectin, I finished the last few jars). I've also decided to make pear cider for the first time - we now have a system to get a bunch of the pears from Sego Lily, which usually end up on the ground as the tree is too high. I am sure we will make some pear jam & nectar, and the rest will make cider. Which, of course, I won't be able to enjoy myself much until after baby comes, but I got so inspired about the whole idea that I just can't help myself! I've also been trying to catch up the scrapbooks at least a little - starting now & working backwards has been a good strategy, as I'm about 3 years behind, YIKES! Joe & I got the hallway at Sego Lily finished (painting) & I've done most of the prep work in the playroom, which is the last planned project for this summer. Then of course, there is the compulsive cleaning/nesting, soccer tournament & practices for Gabe, and all the usual stuff - laundry, meals, dishes, etc. It's no wonder I feel tired, but I just can't seem to help myself...
In other news, I was asked three times yesterday "Any day now, huh?" My belly is big - I always tend to show a LOT, due to my relatively short torso (baby has to go somewhere, and out front seems to be the logical place). But really, at 5 months, I don't think I look ready to pop! Perhaps it's my own knowledge of just how house-like I get by month 7 or so; to others, it's all relative, they see a large belly & think it must be almost time. I never take offense to this, but it does make me giggle to see people's expressions when I tell them "Not until Christmas!"
The other thing everyone wants to know, of course, is "are you having a boy or a girl?" This one does bother me a tad. First, just the whole idea that as a society we need to know the answer to this question before babies are born. Ans second (and more importantly) why does it matter? I saw a great cartoon a few weeks back, with a woman holding a small infant, where someone asked "So what is your baby's gender?" The mother's reply was something like "We don't know yet, we're waiting until she is old enough to discover that!" Sex, of course, is obvious at birth. Gender is something wholly different. And most people have no idea what that means. Which for me, is an issue.
Let's say I have another boy. OK, sex = male. Gender = ?. When he is old enough to gender identify, will he be heterosexual? Will he identify as female, and chose to live that way? Or somewhere else altogether? No infant has gender identification of any kind. And I don't feel that as a parent it is my duty to decide how to answer that question for my babies/children, anymore than I would tell you what my child is going to chose for a career when he/she grows up. There have been a lot of stories in the media lately about families not even disclosing their child's sex, so as to ensure no one places gender roles upon them. I personally wouldn't go that far, but I do try hard to not place gender roles on my children (boys are strong, girls are pretty; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls). Speaking of, do you know how freaking hard it is to find gender-neutral baby clothes????? Just give me some damn yellow, green, and white clothes that don't have trucks or flowers on them for goddess's sake. Is that too much to ask?
When I was a child, my mother apparently gave me a truck for Christmas, and gave my brother Jesse (about 2 years younger) a doll. She says we took one look at each other & traded immediately. OK fine, that was our CHOICE. My boys have all had dolls - in fact when Gabe was born, Corbin would carry his doll in the little sling I got for him, nurse his baby, and put it to bed when Gabe was napping. I know if I have a girl she will have dolls, too - this nurturing is a learned behavior that all people need to experience & explore. But she will also have trucks, and legos, and anything else she enjoys. My boys have had plenty of those things, too. Oh, and I promise that any daughter of mine will NOT own any of the new 'girl' legos - I'm disgusted that construction toys have become gender based and segregated. I have my own Lego collection of both the Frank Lloyd Wright houses (I have Falling Water & the Robie house), and the collectible street series - hotel, pet store, city hall, cafe, etc). I'm a pretty girlie girl, in many ways, and I did NOT need these things made in pink for me. I was just as capable of building them & enjoying them in their real colors that reflect the brick & wood of real construction without having them 'feminized.' For those that haven't seen them yet, here is what I am talking about:
(I can no longer stand to insert pictures of developing fetuses here - the image search turns up too many miscarried babies born around this time - so just imagine a cute image of a 22 week fetus in utero...)
My 2nd trimester energy has continued - I've canned a ton of pickles, some apple pie filling, and a few jars of grape jam (Jordan did most of a batch and ran out of pectin, I finished the last few jars). I've also decided to make pear cider for the first time - we now have a system to get a bunch of the pears from Sego Lily, which usually end up on the ground as the tree is too high. I am sure we will make some pear jam & nectar, and the rest will make cider. Which, of course, I won't be able to enjoy myself much until after baby comes, but I got so inspired about the whole idea that I just can't help myself! I've also been trying to catch up the scrapbooks at least a little - starting now & working backwards has been a good strategy, as I'm about 3 years behind, YIKES! Joe & I got the hallway at Sego Lily finished (painting) & I've done most of the prep work in the playroom, which is the last planned project for this summer. Then of course, there is the compulsive cleaning/nesting, soccer tournament & practices for Gabe, and all the usual stuff - laundry, meals, dishes, etc. It's no wonder I feel tired, but I just can't seem to help myself...
In other news, I was asked three times yesterday "Any day now, huh?" My belly is big - I always tend to show a LOT, due to my relatively short torso (baby has to go somewhere, and out front seems to be the logical place). But really, at 5 months, I don't think I look ready to pop! Perhaps it's my own knowledge of just how house-like I get by month 7 or so; to others, it's all relative, they see a large belly & think it must be almost time. I never take offense to this, but it does make me giggle to see people's expressions when I tell them "Not until Christmas!"
The other thing everyone wants to know, of course, is "are you having a boy or a girl?" This one does bother me a tad. First, just the whole idea that as a society we need to know the answer to this question before babies are born. Ans second (and more importantly) why does it matter? I saw a great cartoon a few weeks back, with a woman holding a small infant, where someone asked "So what is your baby's gender?" The mother's reply was something like "We don't know yet, we're waiting until she is old enough to discover that!" Sex, of course, is obvious at birth. Gender is something wholly different. And most people have no idea what that means. Which for me, is an issue.
Let's say I have another boy. OK, sex = male. Gender = ?. When he is old enough to gender identify, will he be heterosexual? Will he identify as female, and chose to live that way? Or somewhere else altogether? No infant has gender identification of any kind. And I don't feel that as a parent it is my duty to decide how to answer that question for my babies/children, anymore than I would tell you what my child is going to chose for a career when he/she grows up. There have been a lot of stories in the media lately about families not even disclosing their child's sex, so as to ensure no one places gender roles upon them. I personally wouldn't go that far, but I do try hard to not place gender roles on my children (boys are strong, girls are pretty; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls). Speaking of, do you know how freaking hard it is to find gender-neutral baby clothes????? Just give me some damn yellow, green, and white clothes that don't have trucks or flowers on them for goddess's sake. Is that too much to ask?
When I was a child, my mother apparently gave me a truck for Christmas, and gave my brother Jesse (about 2 years younger) a doll. She says we took one look at each other & traded immediately. OK fine, that was our CHOICE. My boys have all had dolls - in fact when Gabe was born, Corbin would carry his doll in the little sling I got for him, nurse his baby, and put it to bed when Gabe was napping. I know if I have a girl she will have dolls, too - this nurturing is a learned behavior that all people need to experience & explore. But she will also have trucks, and legos, and anything else she enjoys. My boys have had plenty of those things, too. Oh, and I promise that any daughter of mine will NOT own any of the new 'girl' legos - I'm disgusted that construction toys have become gender based and segregated. I have my own Lego collection of both the Frank Lloyd Wright houses (I have Falling Water & the Robie house), and the collectible street series - hotel, pet store, city hall, cafe, etc). I'm a pretty girlie girl, in many ways, and I did NOT need these things made in pink for me. I was just as capable of building them & enjoying them in their real colors that reflect the brick & wood of real construction without having them 'feminized.' For those that haven't seen them yet, here is what I am talking about:
Pink Lego. Because Goddess forbid a girl enjoy the blue, red & yellow ones....
Anyway... I do enjoy screwing with people when they ask "Do you know what you are having yet?" My response is always, "A baby!" and if they give me a confused look, I add, for clarification, "A human baby!" And you know what? I know I'm right, even though the ultrasound tech never did directly confirm that particular assumption.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Week 21. It feels nice to have fewer weeks to go than have already gone by. At the same time, I really want the time to go slowly - there is so much to happen between now & December whatever. Mostly, of course, there is baby growing & being ready to exist outside his/her current home :)
Sunday night, baby was kicking so hard that it HURT! I could see my belly moving, and so could Joe. When I tried to have him feel baby, s/he stopped moving. Of course. Isn't that the way it always goes?
I'm excited by a couple of projects right now. I bought the fabric to make one of the quilts I want to make today - I'm giving all 12 of the kids white squares to decorate with colorful sharpie markers, then combining them all to make a quilt. I'm totally psyched with the colors, and really want to encourage the kids to make their squares thoughtful & beautiful.
I'm also really excited to make some of these baby gowns sewn from old t-shirts. Of course I need some old t-shirts that will work - anyone local have any to donate? I need men's larges or bigger.... (Women's XL's will work, too!)
I had one of my 'moments' today. I had been painting at Sego Lily School, and went out after to spend the day with Athan. We were at his favorite place eating lunch, and a woman about my age commented on the paint on my arms (and probably in my hair, too, I still haven't looked in the mirror to check for that!). The conversation went like this:
her: You have something on your arm.
Me: Oh, it's paint, I must have missed a spot when I cleaned up.
her: Somebody's been creating a nursery!
Me: (silence). Thanks. (walk away)
OK, so here is the thing. I don't DO nurseries. Yes, Kevin & I made one for Corbin before he was born; he never slept in it until he was about 8. Or maybe 10. I haven't bothered with one since. So in some ways, her comment was no biggie, right? But I felt assaulted with the cultural expectation that in another 19 weeks or so, I would be taking my baby - the baby that I had just spent 40 weeks growing, connecting with, loving, bonding to - and stick him or her in isolation in another room in my house. The idea of taking your brand new baby and getting it AWAY from you that is implied by a nursery just makes me gag. And while this woman meant none of this in her innocent comment, she meant all of it. She said, without saying, "Oh, here is another woman working hard to create a space where she can get rid of that nuisance she is carrying around! Good for her!" And it pissed me off.
I know that in many ways, many of my parenting views are considered pretty radical. But really, how many more studies need to be done to convince the American public that our babies need to be with us? How many more babies need to die from SIDS before we realize that sleeping with our children is good for them? (there has never been one single SIDS death related to safe co-sleeping). How many more women need to spend the first critical months of their babies lives exhausted from getting up all night before they realize how much easier it is to roll over & nurse your baby than it is to get up from bed, trek across a house, and comfort a now screaming, upset infant?
So no, I was not painting a nursery today. Nor will I be, at any time. Not for one of my own babies, anyway. And honestly, I can't imagine being convinced to do it as a favor for anyone else, either. I'd be too busy trying to get the mommy-to-be to change her mind about the need for a nursery, and recommending articles on safe co-sleeping. You really need to decorate? Make a corner over the changing table. And if you see me with paint on your arms, know that Sego Lily is getting a make-over this summer. That's it.
oh, and right now, baby has hiccups again :)
Sunday night, baby was kicking so hard that it HURT! I could see my belly moving, and so could Joe. When I tried to have him feel baby, s/he stopped moving. Of course. Isn't that the way it always goes?
I'm excited by a couple of projects right now. I bought the fabric to make one of the quilts I want to make today - I'm giving all 12 of the kids white squares to decorate with colorful sharpie markers, then combining them all to make a quilt. I'm totally psyched with the colors, and really want to encourage the kids to make their squares thoughtful & beautiful.
I'm also really excited to make some of these baby gowns sewn from old t-shirts. Of course I need some old t-shirts that will work - anyone local have any to donate? I need men's larges or bigger.... (Women's XL's will work, too!)
I had one of my 'moments' today. I had been painting at Sego Lily School, and went out after to spend the day with Athan. We were at his favorite place eating lunch, and a woman about my age commented on the paint on my arms (and probably in my hair, too, I still haven't looked in the mirror to check for that!). The conversation went like this:
her: You have something on your arm.
Me: Oh, it's paint, I must have missed a spot when I cleaned up.
her: Somebody's been creating a nursery!
Me: (silence). Thanks. (walk away)
OK, so here is the thing. I don't DO nurseries. Yes, Kevin & I made one for Corbin before he was born; he never slept in it until he was about 8. Or maybe 10. I haven't bothered with one since. So in some ways, her comment was no biggie, right? But I felt assaulted with the cultural expectation that in another 19 weeks or so, I would be taking my baby - the baby that I had just spent 40 weeks growing, connecting with, loving, bonding to - and stick him or her in isolation in another room in my house. The idea of taking your brand new baby and getting it AWAY from you that is implied by a nursery just makes me gag. And while this woman meant none of this in her innocent comment, she meant all of it. She said, without saying, "Oh, here is another woman working hard to create a space where she can get rid of that nuisance she is carrying around! Good for her!" And it pissed me off.
I know that in many ways, many of my parenting views are considered pretty radical. But really, how many more studies need to be done to convince the American public that our babies need to be with us? How many more babies need to die from SIDS before we realize that sleeping with our children is good for them? (there has never been one single SIDS death related to safe co-sleeping). How many more women need to spend the first critical months of their babies lives exhausted from getting up all night before they realize how much easier it is to roll over & nurse your baby than it is to get up from bed, trek across a house, and comfort a now screaming, upset infant?
So no, I was not painting a nursery today. Nor will I be, at any time. Not for one of my own babies, anyway. And honestly, I can't imagine being convinced to do it as a favor for anyone else, either. I'd be too busy trying to get the mommy-to-be to change her mind about the need for a nursery, and recommending articles on safe co-sleeping. You really need to decorate? Make a corner over the changing table. And if you see me with paint on your arms, know that Sego Lily is getting a make-over this summer. That's it.
oh, and right now, baby has hiccups again :)
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