Week 39/40

Today is my first EDD. Which means people are calling, texting, and emailing to see if we have a baby yet. Because, you know, we are for sure going to keep it a big secret when it happens, right???

Anyway. All day Sunday & Sunday night I was having regular, strong contractions. The problem is that they were only hurting in my tailbone, which is usually an indication of a positioning problem. I called my midwife Monday morning for advice, and she gave me a few stretching issues to do that would hopefully help bring baby back up a bit, and then back down into a better position. They seemed to have worked.

Physical update: Because of my concern about positioning, I decided to have her do an exam. It's probably the only one I will have, unless I decide to opt for one during labor, but that is doubtful. At this point, I am very 'ripe', about 50% effaced, about 1-2 cm dilated, baby is fully engaged, ROA (optimal birthing position for those who don't know), and everything looks good with me & baby. I was ordered to eat a good meal, have a BIG glass of wine, and get some sleep. I did, and I have to say that while I still got up to pee 5-6 times last night, it was the best night of sleep I have had for awhile.

Emotional update: Today was the best I have felt in weeks. I woke up NOT thinking 'maybe we will have a baby today!' which was nice because every day I wake up feeling that way becomes a disappointment when I wake up the next morning still pregnant. I think the combo of the good night's sleep, the absence of very many contractions, and the fact that only about 5% of babies are actually born on their due dates made me feel like there is no way today would be the day. At this point, unless I have a rocking fast (less than 5 hour) labor, today is NOT the day.

Which brings me to a thought: Last night, as Cathy was packing up and making a few final notes in my chart, she asked, 'You aren't one of those moms that wants a 12/12/12 baby like everyone else, are you?' To which I replied a big NO. Numerologically, tomorrow is an 11 - briefly, "High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer." I have no problem with any of those characteristics, (and actually I think it's a beautiful thing!) except for the fact that both of the baby names I have picked out (boy & girl) are also 11's. I have already considered changing the spellings a bit just to avoid putting that designation on a child, but I feel like those are the names that came to me - s/he must really want them. In other words, it is who s/he is, but lordy I don't think we need to complicate it with a birthdate of the same numerology...

I had another thought about tomorrow's date as well. I would be very interested to see the statistics on the number of planned inductions and cesareans for tomorrow. I would be willing to put a lot of money on their being an increase, you know, because it's such a cool birthday! It is a cool birthday. It's also an opportunity to bring in a whole lot of children on a very high spiritual plane, who will be dreamers... which could be a blessing, depending on how many of them are also beings who can get things done & make a difference in the world. Or maybe they will all end up like little Tibetan monks, and we will worship at their feet... Either way, I doubt many, if any, of the women who have scheduled births tomorrow are aware of the energetics surrounding the date. But who knows, maybe this is the universe's way of ensuring we get a whole bunch of spiritually enlightened beings to show up right now.

I'm not saying I will be crossing my legs if I go into labor before tomorrow is over. My sense is that this baby will show up on the 13th, but that's just because both Athan & Corbin have birthdays on the 13th of their months (as do my brother, my Grandfather, and a dear friend). But I also thought this baby was coming on the 4th and I was obviously wrong about that. I guess we will all just have to wait and see... but please, don't call me. Watch your facebook feed, I promise you will know! 

Week 38/39

Today is either 1 or 2 weeks until my EDD (estimated due date). Normally, at this stage in pregnancy, I am feeling tired, excited of course, but patient enough to wait that last week or two. This time around, I hit the "Fuck this I am tired of being pregnant" point about a week ago. I think it has a lot to do with the already 3 weeks of early labor I have been experiencing. Off & on, constantly, usually too much to totally ignore but not enough to get serious about, either. It's frustrating, but more than that, exhausting.

Last night, for example, I think I managed a total of 3.5 hours of sleep. Went to bed around 11, couldn't sleep because I was feeling so yucky. Every time I dozed off, I would get up to pee. Somewhere in the middle of the night (Maybe 2am?) I went to the bathroom & couldn't fall back to sleep for almost 2 hours because of contractions. Between about 4:30-6 I must have slept; went back to sleep around 7 and was up at 8:30. Honestly, I know I will get more sleep when the baby gets here than I am right now. Waking every 2-3 hours to feed & change a baby is nothing compared to this constant 30-45 minute mini sleep cycles.

So yeah, I'm in 'grumpy bitchy pregnant woman mode' at this point. I had some nesting energy earlier in the week - cleaned the whole basement on Friday, cleaned out the fridge yesterday, that sort of thing. I'm thinking about cleaning out the pantry today, not because I have that same nesting urge, but because I'm so grumpy I need something to do so that I don't just bite the head off of anyone who gets too close to me. I KNOW I need a good nap today, and I am hoping that happens. Tomorrow, I'm going to get a Labor Stimulation Massage at SL Prenatal Massage, and hope that kicks all of this prodromal labor into action. At least I will be relaxed. I hope.

Of course, there is a long list of stuff bugging me right now, and I know it is due mostly to exhaustion. I am grateful that baby has dropped so low that walking up & down the stairs is not as much of a problem (have plenty of lung capacity again!) and the heartburn has become manageable. I'd really like to get our bills paid today before the baby comes, but for some reason (actually I am pretty clear about the reasons, but I'm not going into them here) our monthly transfer has still not come in. It was supposed to be here Friday. Which also means we have no $ for groceries, or a nice little walking trip even through a thrift store. That is definitely not helping my mood.... Neither is the fact that holiday traffic makes is annoying to be out & about, or the dog prints on the carpet by the back door, or the pain in my sciatic nerve, etc.... Yeah. Bitchy grumpy pregnant woman, lol. I feel like such a stereotype.

In happier news, this past Saturday was my Mama Blessing. It was a wonderful gathering of women - we ate, told birth stories, painted by belly with Henna, decorated onsies for the baby, and I was given some wonderful - and very touching - gifts. I literally need/want NOTHING for the baby now except a diaper pail. Alyssa made the most beautiful purple diaper cake! It was the only thing I really asked for (I have always loved those things, and I needed a few more cloth diapers). I used several of the gifts I was given, plus some other items I had been saving, and created my 'birth alter' next to the bed. The pool is blown up & ready to be filled. My room is ready. So really, baby, come on. It's time to come out and play. Seriously.

Week 37

It's week 37 here - or 38, going by my earlier EDD. Which makes me officially 'full term' no matter which EDD we are using. I made it through Thanksgiving, as I hoped I would, but there were definitely a few minutes there when I thought that wouldn't happen!

It was quite a week! As I posted, I left home early last Tuesday and had a wonderful massage (first time my hips hadn't ached in weeks!), then got the boys & picked up my Grandma at the airport. It was pretty much a whirlwind from there. I didn't do as much 'sitting & chopping' as I had hoped, but I managed some. Everyone around me kept reminding me to sit down, to not pick up that big heavy pot, etc. It was actually kind of nice - I'm usually annoyed by that kind of thing, but I honestly needed the reminders! I only once lifted something I shouldn't have. The physical response was enough of a reminder, but the loving reminders from my parents, grandmother, and brothers were helpful, too.

Wednesday was interesting - a truck had pulled some cables down in from of the house (we had no internet or cable for 4 days), and the power line had to be replaced. Mom & I were running like crazy to make sure we got the baking done before the power was turned off - I'm pretty sure the electrical component of the oven would have shut off, giving us either no oven or no way to regulate the temperature. Fortunately the power stayed on until around 8pm. I was asleep at that point, but woke up around 9:30 to a candle-light poker game in the kitchen. Proud to say Gabe took 2nd place, knocking out grandpa, the rest of the kids, and Craig.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration on Thursday. My mother made a "Thanksgiving Tree" and everyone placed leaves with what they were thankful for on the tree. It is still sitting in the library area, and will likely stay up for a couple more weeks. Even the dogs added leaves. I think someone helped them with spelling, though....

Daily, I am experiencing rounds of contractions lasting from an hour to 5-6 hours. I'm really not used to having SO MUCH of this go on. With all 3 of the boys, it was 3 days of this, then a baby came. I've gone for 8-9 days now dealing with this every day. It's exhausting! The good thing is I am getting in a very good nap every day - 2.5-3 hours each day. I would be very worried about being rested enough for birth if it wasn't for these naps, as I get up every hour at night. I seem to be able to sleep for an actual stretch of time only in the afternoons. At least I am getting some sleep!

I still think this baby is coming December 4th. I don't know why, it's just the intuition I have had all along. I am looking forward to my mama blessing this Saturday, and I'd really like to go pregnant, so I'm fine if baby waits at least until that is over! Of course, tonight/tomorrow morning is a full moon, so again, who knows what will happen.

I've been awake for 3 hours. It must be time for more sleep, right?

Week 36

So it's week 36. Or 37, depending on how you look at it.

You've all read my rants about due dates, so I won't go back into that again, However, there are some very important milestones in pregnancy. Today is one of them: According to the charts held by my midwife, I am now 37 weeks pregnant. Which means baby can be born at home.

I don't know why I have been concerned about this so much. I never really worried about that with any of the boys. Yet, I have had a feeling this little one might come early, and as I mentioned a few weeks back, with my friend Teri having little Rowan at 28 weeks, it's just been on my mind the whole time. Honestly, our hospital experience wasn't a total nightmare when Athan was born - I still had a totally natural, intervention free birth. That's a rare thing in hospitals these days. But I had to fight for it, even in the short 2 hours from arriving until he was born. Add to that the battle to get OUT of the hospital, which included me signing him out AMA (Against medical advice), and those are the things I really do NOT want to have to repeat. Bottom line: I am VERY grateful that from this point on, baby will be born at home. Most likely in my bathroom in the birth pool that was delivered last week.

Which is a very good thing, as for the past two days I have been having pretty much non-stop contractions. They aren't the painless Braxton Hicks that women get throughout pregnancy, but they are pretty mild so far. Aside from the crampy, aching sensation in my back I can mostly just keep moving and doing whatever I am doing while they do their job of getting my body started in the birthing process. In reality, women can have these kinds of mild but useful contractions for weeks at a time before baby comes. In my experience, I tend to do about 3 days of these before kicking into full blown labor. Which would have tomorrow be bay's birthday. I mentioned last week I REALLY want to stay pregnant through Thanksgiving, but if baby has other plans I can't exactly argue.  Well, I can argue all I want actually, but little good will it do me! Oh, and yes, they are continuing today. Just had to stop typing to pay attention to that one!

Blood sugar levels continue to be good - I'm not testing them very often now, just when I feel 'off' and want to see what's going on. Which is a good thing because those test strips are EXPENSIVE!!!! I've been very good (Santa, bring me an extra present?), eating mostly every 2-2.5 hours, lots of high energy carbs & protein. I don't feel like I am getting the most balanced diet at the moment, because I am eating the same few things over and over again. But hey, if it's working it's working, and I only have a few weeks left of needing these restrictions.

I had a pretty big burst of nesting energy yesterday - I felt the need to either clean the entire house, or find a project to keep me occupied. I ended up painting the hall bathroom. The white walls all over the house were really getting to me. Actually it's the dirty fingerprints all over the white walls that were getting to me. I figured one less space for dirty fingerprints would be nice, plus I generally don't like white walls anyway. I was able to use paint we had on hand, so no expense to the project either. It came out very nice - copper & green, bright but subdued by the copper. I kept the bathroom fan on the whole time so the fumes were pretty minimal. I am glad that Thanksgiving madness starts today, though, otherwise I might end up painting my bedroom today...

It's going to be a busy 36th week. I will be leaving the house around 2 today - I get to start off the craziness with a massage from Kristen at Salt Lake Prenantal Massage. For now, I'll have her stay away from labor triggering pressure points ;). Then it's off to pick up my Grandma from the airport, take her to dinner, and get her settled at her hotel. Tonight, Mom, Jesse, and my awesome nephews arrive. Tomorrow, Dad gets into town; Thursday it's Jeremy & his new wife, Meghan. The turkey is defrosting, the groceries are getting picked up by Craig today. I plan to do a LOT of sitting & chopping vegetables while everyone else does the big work. I am so grateful to be able to be with my family this year. Thanksgiving is a big deal with my Dad's side of the family in particular. Last year I cried because no one was here & I couldn't even reach a single family member by phone for a couple of hours. I can't imagine dealing with that in my pregnant, hormonal state ;). I am happy that this year I will be surrounded by members of my extended family. I just keep telling baby s/he will get to meet them all soon enough, so STAY PUT for another week, will ya?!

Week 35

Well, last week's attempt at diagnosis was incorrect. My labs came back totally normal, except for a slight increase above normal blood sugars. After a few days of testing those (thank you, Rebecca, for the loaner of a glucose meter!), it was pretty apparent that blood sugar has been the problem. I had a couple of highs over the diabetic range, and many more in the 'very high' range as well. Fortunately, diabetes in pregnant women usually reverses after the baby is born. Also fortunately, it's another issue that can be handled through diet with no other intervention needed.

So for now, I am on a highly restrictive diet until baby comes. The hardest part is eating every 2 hours - I'm not hungry when I am eating, which I don't like to do. And getting enough of the right carbs in combo with enough protein is tough, too. So far, though, it seems to be working - I've had the only two normal blood sugar readings so far right before eating today.

I was also advised to pretty much quit working. So, sadly, tomorrow will be my last staffing day at Sego Lily until baby comes (well, until after I have recovered from baby coming, and am ready to start being back at school with the babe). I will definitely be in for the Chili Supper if I can make it, and of course our holiday party, most likely with baby in arms.

The goal, for now, still remains to stay pregnant through Thanksgiving. Even though I am clear to give birth at home next Tuesday, I have family coming in from Vegas, Portland, and Florida via New York. I really want to spend my time with them, enjoy the holiday, and maybe cheat just a little on the diet ;). I also really don't want to have to kick everyone out of the house to have a baby ;) The next goal will be to stay pregnant past the baby blessing on December 1st. But for now, Thanksgiving is the goal.

The other great thing about my appointment with my midwife (besides the fact that I felt relieved to reconnect with her after her vacation) was that she delivered our birth pool & birth kit. Another step in feeling like things are getting pretty real around here! It feels so close.

We also went and had photos done with Ginger of Earthside Birth Photography. I had really wanted to get maternity photos taken this time, as it is definitely my last pregnancy. I can't wait to see what Ginger came up with. We also got my belly cast done, which was another big to-do off my list. Now my two big 'wants' are handled, in case baby comes early.

Baby remains extremely active, measures just a little big (as always), heart sounds fine, etc. Funny how that works - the babies get whatever they need, while the mamas' bodies fall apart, lol. I'm grateful for that arrangement, though. I can change my diet, baby can't. It's getting so close to baby time, that I am beginning to long to meet her/him. Until now, I have been willing to let this pregnancy take as long as it takes. Now, the due dates can't come soon enough :) As long as we get through Thanksgiving!

Week 34

Well, it has NOT been an uneventful week. Not even close! Some of you were following my Facebook posts, and know a bit about what has been going on, but I will lay it all out here in detail, anyway. After all, this blog is my diary of this pregnancy more than anything else!

Last Friday was a Sego Lily day. I love my Sego Lily days - working with the Odyssey team, chatting with the staff, being around my kids, playing games with students, etc. It was an extra nice day because we had some visitors, and the weather was gorgeous. I spent a lot of time outside, and as much time sitting as I could manage.

The bad thing about my work days is that they have become EXHAUSTING. It's a 6-hour work day, but really an almost 8 hour day when you include the driving back & forth and the energy it takes just to get out of the house. I'm no longer surprised when I get home exhausted from a school day, so Friday seemed very normal to me, in that I came home, got into bed, watched TV, had dinner, and went to sleep.

Saturday morning, I woke up early & took Gabe to his soccer game. Baby was NOT very happy about my camping chair, so I spent a lot of the game standing behind the chair watching the boys play. It was a disappointing 0-2 loss - mostly disappointing because it was their last game of the season., and also because they played really well but just couldn't manage to score. By the time we got back (mind you this was a home game, so a total of probably 2.5 hours of being out), I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I climbed back into bed & tried to nap, but for some reason with 15 kids in the house I just couldn't fall asleep. I did rest though, for as long as I could. When I got up to use the bathroom, I felt super dizzy, and was seeing spots. My heart rate went nuts. I got back into bed as soon as I could. The rest of the day was spent mostly in my room, resting, reading, watching a movie. Each time I got up to pee, same dizziness. My heart rate would go nuts even when I was sitting still. Baby was super active, so I wasn't too worried there. I watched carefully to make sure I was getting enough fluids & food, but that didn't seem to help anything.

Sunday, same routine. At some point, I got worried enough that I decided to call my midwife, who I then remembered was still in Mexico. I tracked down a number for her back-up, and spoke to her about what I was experiencing. She recommended I check my blood pressure, so I went to Walgreens. Totally normal, though my HR was pretty high for just walking into the store. Melissa (the MW) and I brainstormed a few things - the most likely culprit seemed to be anemia.

On Monday, I met Melissa at her office. She did a blood draw, checked BP, listened to baby, etc. I was feeling slightly better, but still dizzy every time I got up. the slightest bit of exertion has me feeling winded & exhausted. I did have slight amounts of both protein & keytones in my urine, which are signs of possible infection, low blood sugar, and also possible preclampsia, but only when combined with high blood pressure. We were both still of the opinion that this is most likely severe anemia, so I decided to start treating as such.

My late lunch on Monday was a salad with half a dozen oysters. My dinner included chopped liver (YUMMY!!!), and I bought some new protein shake powder to get my protein intake up as well. I have upped my intake of my iron supplement, and am combining it with OJ to help with absorption. These things, as well as other steps I will be taking, all help with iron levels & if we are correct about the diagnosis, I should be doing better within the next 2 weeks.

At this point, I am still waiting for the lab results that should be coming in this afternoon. They should rule out anything else, and most likely confirm the anemia. Of course, if they point to anything else I will following those paths as well, to see what I need to do to keep baby & I safe & healthy for another 6 weeks. Oh yeah, 6 weeks. Now THAT is a short time! And I still haven't made those baby wipes....

Week 33. Blargh

'Blargh' because everything I eat seems to be giving me either heartburn or nausea. Makes me not want to eat. BUT, I am also starving, lol. So I am eating - small portions, throughout the day, as is required by my tightly compressed stomach. Baby seems to have a very high need for food. So does mama.

So last week, Cathy came over, and ran out of gas on her way up the hill. Fortunately, Becky - one of her students - was with her as well. Everything still totally in 'normal' range, and belly was measuring a bit smaller, i.e., closer to 'normal,' so that was nice. I kind of freaked myself out doing google searches on the topic of excess amniotic fluid and such. Like everything in pregnancy, there is a huge range of 'normal' so more than likely, nothing means a darn thing except that in regard to fundal measurement I am on the high end of normal. There is definitely plenty out there to scare yourself with, though, if you want to worry. About anything.

So much for blogging goals and having them accomplished ;) I did manage to get quite a few scrapbook layouts done, Halloween costumes are almost ready (need to run Gabe to the store tonight & find my black shirt), and I did take my iron every day. I seriously doubt my protein intake has changed a bit, and I didn't get the baby wipes made. Maybe this week. Or maybe when my mama gets here in a few weeks for Thanksgiving.

It feels really crazy that tomorrow is Halloween. First, it's pretty warm outside (high tomorrow around 75!). Second, it sort of snuck up on me. And third, it's one of those milestone dates that brings me pretty darn close to having a baby, so the fact that it is basically here is, well, kind of nuts. I'm excited to be big & pregnant on Halloween, in some respects. I've never had a big belly for a costume, so that part is really fun (I'll post some pictures next week). However, I also enjoy taking the kids out, and this year I will be staying home, since I can barely walk across a room without getting exhausted, much less all over a couple of neighborhoods. We carved pumpkins last week, and it has been a comedy of errors around here - half of them have rotted (like the fuzzy, leaky, squishy stage) already, and the deer keep dragging the rest of them off the porch to nibble at night. At least it was a fun activity! Oh, and the pumpkin seeds I roasted have been delicious.

Soccer season is wrapping up - Athan's last game was Saturday, Gabe's is this weekend. Sitting on the field with Athan's team I thought to myself 'Next time he plays a game I'll have a baby with me!' That was a sweet thought :) Gabe has try-outs for his winter indoor season today, so technically his season isn't wrapping up so much as merging into the next season. It does feel good to know that rather than 3 practices & 3 games a week, we will be down to 1 practice, 1 game. And they are all indoors. With places to sit and everything! This pregnant mama appreciates that more than you can imagine.

Baby is knocking on my ribs again, so I am going to get some more food. Next week: thanksgiving preparations. Oh My.

Week 32

10...9....8..... Yup, still feeling like a shuttle countdown ;). 8ish weeks to go. Major number of 'big events' about to start to fill that time. Baby has dropped lower, and I'm waddling like a duck. Oh, and most of my maternity shirts are too small now. Yeah. With 2 months to go...

I took a look back at last week's post, and realized I had accomplished all of the goals I had for the week: I got some more sleep, ordered the belly casting kit, got a bunch of scrapbook layouts done, and made a list of people to invite to the shower/blessing. It's rare for me to finish 50% of what's on a list these days, so I am feeling pretty proud of myself at the moment! I should probably put another list like that on this week's blog. Hmmm... OK this week's goals: to take my iron every day, eat more protein, get Halloween costumes finished, do at least 10 more scrapbook layouts, and make the baby wipes (I use little flannel wipes with a home-made solution, much better for baby's skin, and cheaper than store-bought wipes). Alright, let's see how that goes!

In a couple of weeks, I will be doing a maternity photo shoot with Ginger - owner of earthside photography - and sister of my friend Candace. She does BEAUTIFUL work, and will be here for the birth as well (and doing some newborn shots a few days after the birth). I was having a low day a few days back, and after spending some time cheering myself up on cake wrecks (a site guaranteed to make me pee my pants laughing), I headed over to Awkward Family Photos to laugh at some badly done pregnancy photos. I decided to consider it 'research' for our maternity shoot - in a 'what-not-to-do' kind of way. Like this one:

Yeah, pretty sure we won't be doing anything like that. Because one, ew. And two, she has pants on, people, what are you expecting to see? And three, WTF? Anyway, if you need a good laugh, both of those sites are a whole lotta fun. And I promise my maternity shoots will NOT make those pages, with Ginger at the helm (especially the pages of cake wrecks, because that makes absolutely no sense)!

Anyway, it's an appointment week again - every 2 weeks with the midwife now - so I will have another 'still measuring huge' update for next week, I'm sure. In the meantime, enjoy the funny photos of other pregnant people, I'm going to eat some warm pot pie, take my iron, and do some scrap-booking.

31 (and some change) weeks

This week has already gotten away from me! It seems as though every time I try to get my schedule a little more clear to allow for more rest/relaxation time, a million things come up that require my attention. This week I have once again ended up out of the house every night Monday - Thursday. Thankfully, it's UEA weekend, so there is no school today or tomorrow, and I only had to go to work one day this week.

Athan & I comparing our baby bellies. His was a green alien; I am hoping for pinkish human!

So, 31 weeks. I feel like the shuttle count-down. 10....9..... and at the same time, I get the sense this baby is coming a bit early. I keep dreaming this over & over - it's either me processing my fears of him/her coming too early, or it's my psyche's way of preparing me that mid-December is just a little too long for this baby to wait.

Last week, I went to a class that my midwife was teaching to midwifery students about prenatal care. She needed a couple of mama models, and asked me & another pregnant mama to come to her class. There were about 12 students there, so they split into 2 groups and took turns using all of the various tools to find heart tones, palpate the baby for position, measure fundal height, etc. It was interesting to see how differently baby responded to each pair of hands - those who were already very comfortable (which seemed to be those who had been in the program longer) got baby pressing up against them, easy to find heart tones, etc. Those who were more nervous had baby turning away to hide ;). Interestingly, I was measuring about 37-38 cm, another 4-5 cm gain in one week. As you are 'supposed' to be measuring the same number of cm as weeks, I can see why everyone thinks I am about to 'pop any minute.' Cathy actually came over to check to be sure the students were measuring correctly, but she came up with 37 as well. We all decided I am just very well hydrated right now (or at least I was last Thursday).

We had our last birth class last night - did a fun 'labor rehearsal' to practice all of the labor positions & massage/counter pressure techniques we had learned. I got to give the other mama & our instructor (who is also pregnant) their baby gifts. I was also asked to bring in my cloth diapers to show them all the different types. I really do have some of everything, and it was fun to show off the ones I made a few weeks ago.

This week's goals are to get some more sleep, catch up on some more scrapbook layouts, order my belly casting kit, and get together a list of people to invite to the baby shower/mama blessing. My sweet friend Alyssa has agreed to host this for me, on December 1st. I don't know yet where or what time, but will keep everyone posted. I am looking forward to having a time to celebrate the coming of this sweet little person with some friends & family. I'm sure we will be having a little mini-blessing on Thanksgiving as well, since so much of my family will be here for that celebration. I just have to remember to not over-do it that week!

Week 30!

Wow, only about 10 weeks left! Holy crap, only about 10 weeks left!

That was my reaction this morning.... Which wasn't as intense as the reaction I had last Thursday, when discussing my different due dates, and 'when would be too early to give birth at home' with my midwife. I always like to have that date in my head, just in case. When we figured it out from the earliest date, and she said, "Any time after November 20th!" I almost passed out. That's BEFORE Thanksgiving! And it's not even December!!! I haven't once given serious thought to giving birth in November. And I have all kinds of family coming in for Thanksgiving, I'm going to be too busy to give birth ;) More accurately, my house is going to be too busy & hectic to be conducive for a birth. Which, knowing the natural responses of women's bodies, would make it almost impossible for me to go into labor that week anyway. But still, just the idea of it was enough to create a real "OMG" moment.

Feeling generally good, other than the exhaustion. I measured an extra 4 weeks at last week's appointment (33 weeks at 29), but that is pretty normal for me. I feel like I have put on a few more pounds, too. I don't plan to get on a scale again until 38ish weeks, and then only for Cathy's records & curiosity. I don't really care about the weight, but I can feel it right now. Or maybe that's the tiredness dragging me down. Regardless, I am feeling BIG.

We re-arranged our bedroom in preparation for the birth. Somehow there is SO much more space in here now! I also hung some of my favorite pictures of the boys above my dresser - inspiration for those moments of labor when I wonder what in the hell I am doing and why ;) We also got confirmation from Cathy that there is plenty of room in the bathroom for the birth tub. It feels a little silly to be planning to put a tub next to our tub, but those birthing tubs are just so much better for moving, laboring, etc... plus I don't have to worry about getting it sanitary before-hand. Birth tubs have single-use linings that don't have to be washed before or after. I am starting to feel like I have a space to birth, which feels very settling. I also feel like we have everything we need, except for a car seat & a couple packages of newborn disposable diapers. I like to use these for the first 7-10 days, both so I don't have the extra laundry, and because meconium (baby's first poops) is a bitch to get out of cloth diapers. Other than those 2 things, I feel pretty prepared for those first weeks - plenty of clothes, nice warm blankets, cloth diapers, nursing bras. I am getting excited to meet this little one - s/he is so active, constantly making her/his presence known.

Week 29

I know I keep saying this - but WHERE is all of the time going???? I swear someone is stealing it! I know it was only 2 days ago that I sat down to write last week's post, wasn't it? And yet, here we are again, it's Tuesday, and it's another new week.

I have definitely been slowing down even more. I can't imagine working even my 3 short days at the school for much longer. The mere idea of driving into town, working at school for 6 hours, & driving home makes me cringe. And yawn. Even sewing has become tiring... I made a diaper yesterday and practically needed a nap when I was finished!

We have been re-thinking our birth plans, in regard to the yurt. The biggest concerns are (in no particular order) power failure, running back & forth to the house for food, supplies, etc, and that it isn't really our home, even though it is part of our community. I have an appointment with Cathy this week (seriously, it's been 4 weeks since I've seen her already? I told you someone is stealing time!), and plan to ask her some questions about the size of the birth pools, etc. I also have a whole list of other questions to ask her, about how many weeks do we need to reach before she will attend the birth at home, how she handles cervical lips (if you don't know what that means, just know they SUCK and I have had one 3 times in a row now!), and how she handles birth supplies (do I need to order them, does she bring them beforehand, etc). It's a long list, and I imagine she will be quite surprised as I have had very little to ask this whole pregnancy. But, it's flown by, and it's almost time to start preparing for the actual birth, and I am a planner.

Athan is getting quite excited as well - I am getting the almost daily question of 'when is the baby coming?' It's kind of nice to have all of these milestones in place to keep his excitement at bay - we have to prepare for Halloween right now; then it will be having family here for Thanksgiving. After that, I can distract him with Christmas/Solstice preparations. And, of course, there is still the distraction of soccer season for a few weeks (I'm off to one of Gabe's games in about 45 minutes), and the daily distractions of games to play, school, and friends to visit.

Random picture of my boys on the Salt Flats - from our road trip to Uncle Jeremy's wedding

That's about it for an update this week. I did update the baby registry with a couple of things that I thought it would be nice to have. The registry can be found at http://www.buybuybaby.com/regHome.asp? - just put in Jen Schwartz, and it will take you to a list of all of the Jennifer Schwartz's with registries - I'm the only one in Utah ;) Apparently there are 9 of us having babies - or recently had babies. And one of them seems to have had a baby on Corbin's birthday, which is really a coincidence. Small world!

28 weeks

Oops, kind of forgot to write yesterday... thank you once again for the 3 of your ho freak out every time I forget to pot my blog posts on Tuesdays. You know who you are - and you should know how loved I feel that you FREAK when you don't get to read a Tuesday update from me!

So... the belly is getting bigger, & the weather is getting cooler. which is probably why I was out buying maternity pants & long sleeve shirts yesterday. I have a love/hate relationship with buying maternity clothes, especially this time around - I LOVE having clothes that are cute & show off the belly, and mostly that are comfortable.... and I HATE spending too much money on clothes I am going to wear for 4 months & give away. Besides, they are all overpriced - most of what I have been wearing has come from second hand stores, which has been nice, but I could not find a single pair of jeans with the belly bands that I like (the ones that come up over your whole belly), and while there have been plenty of long sleeved T's & sweaters, they have all bee really, really ugly. So I broke down & spent a little bit of $ yesterday. Which means I need someone else to really step up & buy the car seat on my registry ;)

I realized I hadn't taken a photo of the giant beach ball... I mean baby belly... in awhile, so I posed in front of the mirror this morning. I haven't seen my toes while standing up in months, now you can see why.... you can also see the new top I got yesterday ;)

What else? It feels like a 'plugging along' kind of week. September has FLOWN by, soccer, Sego Lily, baby projects, and life have kept me so busy I barely notice the passing of time. Next week it will be time for another midwife appointment already; we've finished 5 or 6 weeks of birth classes already; it's getting clod outside already... December is going to be here before I know it, and that is both exciting & scary! I'm excited for so many things happening before then, that I know it's going to come too soon. But, like I've written before, I may need you all to remind me of these words when those last few weeks start dragging!

Much love to you all :))))

THIRD TRIMESTER!

Welcome to week 27, the official beginning of the 3rd trimester. Actually, there are so many different variations as to when the trimesters begin & end - it's a good indication that really, we just have very little idea how this is all supposed to work... But, since '40 weeks' is the expected pregnancy length, and at 27 weeks that leaves about 13 weeks which is about 1/3 of the total 40, I'll stick with this one. Did you follow that? Don't worry, neither did I and I am the one who wrote it...

I've been saying for a couple of weeks that my lovely, glorious 2nd trimester energy has been waning. Yet another indication that, as I am fond of saying, my body never read the textbooks that outline how this is supposed to be done. I'm much more tired, I feel like if my belly swells another millimeter it will explode, and I'm getting up 3-5 times a night instead of once. On the positive side, baby's movements are still constant but are rarely painful now - s/he loves to have hiccup parties, and dance to some celestial music that only s/he can hear. I imagine it sounds something like angel wings fluttering, or bells ringing, but being 41+ years this side of that particular veil, it's just a guess. Whatever it is, it has a pretty cool rhythm, if the dancing is any indication.

I have so many things I still want to do before baby gets here - mostly getting every inch of the house clean, getting all of the holiday shopping complete, securing the Sego Lily School grant (still crossing fingers on that one), and making a few more things for baby. I have been having fun making these adorable little newborn gowns (complete with the little hand flaps!) out of old t-shirts:

In fact, Gabe made the one on the left - he was bored on Saturday, and so I taught him how to use the sewing machine & walked him through the steps. It's a simple project, but not necessarily one I would turn over to a beginner. He did very well, and I only had to make two minor corrections when he was finished. I'm working on a few more of them - seriously, these are super easy to make if you know how to do a few basic things, I think with cutting time I'm at about 20-25 minutes each. Cost-wise, I bought a few pieces of knit ribbing for the neck edges, plus thread & a tiny piece of elastic. Combine that with the cost of a free old t-shirt, they are probably somewhere around the $1.25 range, max. I can't wait to see baby in some of them (but will happily wait another 12-14 weeks!) :)

Speaking of things I want to see baby in! A few weeks back I posted that I was having all 12 of the kids create a square for a quilt, using plain white fabric & sharpie markers. I finally took some time to piece it all together and it is pretty darn cute:

Unfortunately I CANNOT get this photo to rotate, but if you turn your head right you can see all of the cute drawings... anyway I'm pretty happy with it, it needs a good washing to get rid of the fabric sizing, but other than that it is complete. Lots of love for the baby when s/he gets here!

Other than the emotional roller-coaster I seem to be on for the last week, that is the extent of what is happening here in the pregnancy realm. We are having a HUGE Harvest party here this weekend (locals, get on over here, 2-10!), so I'm trying to get a bit of the house in order today, which is my only real free day before Saturday. I alternate between wanting to do 'my part' and thinking, screw it, no one else is pregnant, they can get the house ready... at least after today I will feel like I have contributed a bit. Now, off for a bit more sewing, and the much needed daily nap!

Week 26

Another week down already! This one few by fast. Probably something to do with the start of school, a super busy weekend, and a couple days of handling all the kids on my own. Or maybe it's just regular life.

Had an appointment with my wonderful midwife, Cathy, on Thursday. Everything still looks great - belly the right size, blood pressure good, etc. I haven't felt like there was anything weird going on,  so I wasn't surprised. We had a great chat about kids & families & the mental breakdown I had over the spilled pickles. I seriously could not believe it had been 4 weeks since I had seen her last. She'll be back in October, then we start every 2 week visits until 36 weeks.

As today is September 11th, it had me thinking of this day 11 years ago. I was 8 months pregnant with Gabe the day I checked my online support group email & read all of the posts asking if Asha - one of our mamas - was OK. I had no idea what was happening yet, only that something was going on in new York City. I turned on the TV to sights of a burning Trade Center building.

Like many, I was shocked. Like some, I had friends & family to worry about (a cousin in the city, another cousin working in the Pentagon, and several friends in the city). But also, like millions, I had to wonder what else was going to happen. Was this the beginning of a war? An isolated incident? I hugged my belly & cried.

A few years before, pregnant with Corbin, my step-son lost a friend in a gang shooting. Watching those teens deal with loss, & their own mortality, was heart-wrenching. I questioned what kind of screwed up world I was bringing a child into. Who was I to have the right to bring an innocent being into a world where young adults pull up to a stop light & shoot a girl in the next car for no reason? It took weeks of soul-searching to come to the conclusion that I was just the right person to bring a new human into the world - someone committed to making a difference, and making this world a better place. I also knew that I would raise my child to be compassionate, loving, and to bring something into the world that would make a difference - somewhere, somehow.

A few days after 9/11/01, I reminded myself of those days & weeks of being pregnant with Corbin. I had learned by then that my family & friends were safe, though emotionally scarred. The country had learned by then that WWIII had not started on American soil, and that while there were wounds to heal, and deaths to mourn, we too were safe. And I had remembered that this baby, too, would be raised to be loving, compassionate, and to make a difference.

I am grateful that this time around, 9/11 and that gang shooting are memories from which I learned. Our night of the fire evacuation was difficult enough to endure, with no death or possible wars to confront. Life is busy & stressful enough - especially during pregnancy - without these intense life lessons rearing their heads. So this week, I will focus on remembering lessons I have already learned, and spending all the time I can hugging my belly. Without the tears.

Week 25 - and it's September!

Fall is definitely in the air! At least it was in June Lake, CA, where I spent the last 5 days with my family to celebrate my brother's wedding. It feels like there may be some fall here in SLC, too, although I haven't felt a 40 degree evening yet ;) It was fun to share my belly with the family, although I was sick as well as pregnant, so it was a bit of a tough weekend. Still getting some of my voice back as it keeps coming & going. Mostly, of course, it was wonderful to see my parents & siblings, and spend time with my boys.

I love the fall - the smells, the chill in the air, warm sweaters, pumpkin pie, chai, fall colors.... the list goes on & on. I don't know that I have a favorite season, but if I did it would probably be fall. And of course this year, fall means closer to baby time. It was also the first day of school today, so the belly & I spent the day today at Sego Lily School. It was pretty exhausting after just coming back from our trip last night, but honestly I think it would have been exhausting regardless. I've spent the evening at home with my feet up - baby is going a bit crazy doing flips & tricks, which I think is the result of having spent the whole day being rocked to sleep since I didn't stop moving for 7 hours. The rest is nice; feeling baby move is always something that makes me smile.

I don't really have a rant this week, which is kind of nice. I do have a midwife appointment this week, and it does NOT feel like it's been 4 weeks already! After this I will be seeing her every 2 weeks, which should make time fly even more. I am getting inspired to start doing some work on the yurt to create a birth space. I'm also hoping to get some details handled about holidays for this year- I do NOT want them to sneak up on me! Just the fact that it is September has me in a bit of a panic... it's probably time to make some lists, talk to the family, and put in some structures to keep the panic at bay. I also think it's time to go get some chai!

Week 24 +1

Hi everyone! It's week 24 over here (plus a day, 'cause I missed my blogging day yesterday). For some reason 24 feels good - I don't know why, it just feels like some sort of milestone for something.

The big news here is that school is starting next week, I am taking my boys on a road trip tomorrow morning for brother Jer's wedding, my doctoral session starts pretty much now, and I'm sure there are about 50 things of a more minor nature that I could list as well. Like the fact that there are so many veggies coming in, Jordan or I has been canning basically every day. Or that there are so many soccer games & practices between now and the end of October that I am not certain I can even count that high. Or that I get to go play at Sego Lily School starting Tuesday, which is something I have really missed this summer. Etc.

For me, this is all 'big news' because I have said about a jillion times that I know that once fall hits, time in this pregnancy is going to FLY. There is SO MUCH going on between now & when this baby arrives, I can't imagine having a moment to be bored or anxious or counting the days (not that I would ever have an exact number of days to count anyway, but you get the idea). Now that it's really here (the marathon starts in about 14 hours), I'm both happy/excited, and sad/mourning. Happy/excited because these are all things I have been looking forward to. Sad/mourning because honestly, this is my last pregnancy and while of course I cannot wait to meet this baby, I also am cherishing these pregnant moments and I don't really want them to end. Note to friends and family: please remember to quote me on this around week 38/39 when I am way more interested in giving birth NOW.

The other news of note is that we started our birth class last week. Nothing much to report, the leader is cute (though I am much well versed in the material than she seemed to be, but that might be her nervousness, who knows). They did one of those exercises with a backpack filled with stuff to represent the baby, extra fat, amniotic fluid, etc, it weighed about 35 pounds total, and each of the dads wore it for awhile. It made a big impact on Joe - he said it was sitting on his bladder the whole time, lol, so he understood kind of what it must be like for me. I appreciate that he really let that in - it feels like he's been sweeter to me this week as a result :). Of course that might be my imagination. We have class again tonight. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut while I'm there - I only added things about 40% of the time last week. I'm aiming for 25% this time. We shall see.

Wish me luck - lots of driving ahead this weekend (about 10 hours each way, and I'm the only adult). I almost wish Corbin was 2 years older and had a learner's permit, though I don't know if I could handle him driving on highways at 75 MPH. Actually just typing all of that made me realize that I DO NOT actually wish he was 2 years older. Forget I even said that....

Week 23.

There is a large mango in my uterus, and it weighs about 1.5 pounds. At least this is what my pregnancy tracker is telling me. I know this mango to be an inspiring gymnast and/or slam dancer, who feels the need to spend most of every day wriggling or hiccuping in my belly. I love every minute of it.

This little 'who' is one lucky who. With somewhere between 7-12 brothers & sisters who are awaiting his/her arrival. We had a conversation at the breakfast table last week that went something like this:

Gabe(10): I'm going to teach the baby to skate & bike & scooter, and probably to play soccer, too.

Joe: What if s/he turns out to be better than you?

Gabe: Then I guess I will quit competing and become a coach.

Athan(6): I'm going to teach the baby to swim & rock climb & play Minecraft

Gabe: I'm never letting this baby near you on the computer. Minecraft is stupid and will rot it's brain.

Eve(7) (Jordan's daughter): There's a baby in Jen's tummy, you know!

Luke (2): That's my sister!!!!

Eve: well it's kind of like my sister too, except it isn't, well maybe sort of. I don't really know. But I would really like it to be my sister.

Darius (6, friend who lives on our property): mama, will this baby be like my brother or sister, too?

Alyssa (his mom): not really, but you can call it anything you want, I bet Jen would be OK with that.

Darius: Jen, can it be my brother or sister? All of these kids have brothers & sisters & I don't.

Me: well, when the baby is born, it isn't going to know who it's 'real' brothers & sisters are - so if you love it, it will love you back like a brother.

Darius: That's freaking awesome.

I agree with Darius - it's freaking awesome. Babies come into the world with no boundaries - s/he won't know that this child is a half sister, this one is technically not related at all, this one is a cousin, etc. There are just PEOPLE - all different sizes, colors, shapes & smells. And there is LOVE. Period. Oh, and hunger, wetness, and cold ;) Have to deal with those, too....

We are getting close to settling on some names - they will not be released to the public before the birth ;). But I am falling in love with baby even more as s/he gets more concrete. This will be a real person, with a name & a nickname, and arms & legs and all of those wonderful things.

I also met with Ginger of Earthside Birth Photography - I'm so excited to have her attend the birth and capture the sacred event - she does beautiful work, and knowing her philosophy of non-intrusiveness with birth, I know she will be a perfect person to have around. She is also excited to photograph in the Yurt - it's a really beautiful & unique space, I'm getting more excited to nest out there close to the birth & have the baby born into its' sacred walls. We also start birth class tomorrow night - Joe has never experienced a natural birth before, and I need him trained ;). It will be nice to meet with some other pregnant women, too, even though I probably know more about birth that the woman teaching the class, as wonderful as she is. I'll take it as an opportunity to spread some wisdom when I can, and provide support as needed. And take the support where it is offered.

Week 22 (plus a couple of days)

Week 22! This post is a couple of days late - it's been a whirlwind around here the last few days, and I have had very little time to sit down, much less quiet moments at my computer for writing or reflecting.

(I can no longer stand to insert pictures of developing fetuses here - the image search turns up too many miscarried babies born around this time - so just imagine a cute image of a 22 week fetus in utero...)

My 2nd trimester energy has continued - I've canned a ton of pickles, some apple pie filling, and a few jars of grape jam (Jordan did most of a batch and ran out of pectin, I finished the last few jars). I've also decided to make pear cider for the first time - we now have a system to get a bunch of the pears from Sego Lily, which usually end up on the ground as the tree is too high. I am sure we will make some pear jam & nectar, and the rest will make cider. Which, of course, I won't be able to enjoy myself much until after baby comes, but I got so inspired about the whole idea that I just can't help myself! I've also been trying to catch up the scrapbooks at least a little - starting now & working backwards has been a good strategy, as I'm about 3 years behind, YIKES! Joe & I got the hallway at Sego Lily finished (painting) & I've done most of the prep work in the playroom, which is the last planned project for this summer. Then of course, there is the compulsive cleaning/nesting, soccer tournament & practices for Gabe, and all the usual stuff - laundry, meals, dishes, etc. It's no wonder I feel tired, but I just can't seem to help myself...

In other news, I was asked three times yesterday "Any day now, huh?" My belly is big - I always tend to show a LOT, due to my relatively short torso (baby has to go somewhere, and out front seems to be the logical place). But really, at 5 months, I don't think I look ready to pop! Perhaps it's my own knowledge of just how house-like I get by month 7 or so; to others, it's all relative, they see a large belly & think it must be almost time. I never take offense to this, but it does make me giggle to see people's expressions when I tell them "Not until Christmas!"

The other thing everyone wants to know, of course, is "are you having a boy or a girl?" This one does bother me a tad. First, just the whole idea that as a society we need to know the answer to this question before babies are born. Ans second (and more importantly) why does it matter? I saw a great cartoon a few weeks back, with a woman holding a small infant, where someone asked "So what is your baby's gender?" The mother's reply was something like "We don't know yet, we're waiting until she is old enough to discover that!" Sex, of course, is obvious at birth. Gender is something wholly different. And most people have no idea what that means. Which for me, is an issue.

Let's say I have another boy. OK, sex = male. Gender = ?. When he is old enough to gender identify, will he be heterosexual? Will he identify as female, and chose to live that way? Or somewhere else altogether? No infant has gender identification of any kind. And I don't feel that as a parent it is my duty to decide how to answer that question for my babies/children, anymore than I would tell you what my child is going to chose for a career when he/she grows up. There have been a lot of stories in the media lately about families not even disclosing their child's sex, so as to ensure no one places gender roles upon them. I personally wouldn't go that far, but I do try hard to not place gender roles on my children (boys are strong, girls are pretty; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls). Speaking of, do you know how freaking hard it is to find gender-neutral baby clothes????? Just give me some damn yellow, green, and white clothes that don't have trucks or flowers on them for goddess's sake. Is that too much to ask?

When I was a child, my mother apparently gave me a truck for Christmas, and gave my brother Jesse (about 2 years younger) a doll. She says we took one look at each other & traded immediately. OK fine, that was our CHOICE. My boys have all had dolls - in fact when Gabe was born, Corbin would carry his doll in the little sling I got for him, nurse his baby, and put it to bed when Gabe was napping. I know if I have a girl she will have dolls, too - this nurturing is a learned behavior that all people need to experience & explore. But she will also have trucks, and legos, and anything else she enjoys. My boys have had plenty of those things, too. Oh, and I promise that any daughter of mine will NOT own any of the new 'girl' legos - I'm disgusted that construction toys have become gender based and segregated. I have my own Lego collection of both the Frank Lloyd Wright houses (I have Falling Water & the Robie house), and the collectible street series - hotel, pet store, city hall, cafe, etc). I'm a pretty girlie girl, in many ways, and I did NOT need these things made in pink for me. I was just as capable of building them & enjoying them in their real colors that reflect the brick & wood of real construction without having them 'feminized.' For those that haven't seen them yet, here is what I am talking about:

Pink Lego. Because Goddess forbid a girl enjoy the blue, red & yellow ones....

Anyway... I do enjoy screwing with people when they ask "Do you know what you are having yet?" My response is always, "A baby!" and if they give me a confused look, I add, for clarification, "A human baby!" And you know what? I know I'm right, even though the ultrasound tech never did directly confirm that particular assumption.

Week 21. It feels nice to have fewer weeks to go than have already gone by. At the same time, I really want the time to go slowly - there is so much to happen between now & December whatever. Mostly, of course, there is baby growing & being ready to exist outside his/her current home :)

Sunday night, baby was kicking so hard that it HURT! I could see my belly moving, and so could Joe. When I tried to have him feel baby, s/he stopped moving. Of course. Isn't that the way it always goes?

I'm excited by a couple of projects right now. I bought the fabric to make one of the quilts I want to make today - I'm giving all 12 of the kids white squares to decorate with colorful sharpie markers, then combining them all to make a quilt. I'm totally psyched with the colors, and really want to encourage the kids to make their squares thoughtful & beautiful.

I'm also really excited to make some of these baby gowns sewn from old t-shirts. Of course I need some old t-shirts that will work - anyone local have any to donate? I need men's larges or bigger.... (Women's XL's will work, too!)

I had one of my 'moments' today. I had been painting at Sego Lily School, and went out after to spend the day with Athan. We were at his favorite place eating lunch, and a woman about my age commented on the paint on my arms (and probably in my hair, too, I still haven't looked in the mirror to check for that!). The conversation went like this:

her: You have something on your arm.
Me: Oh, it's paint, I must have missed a spot when I cleaned up.
her: Somebody's been creating a nursery!
Me: (silence). Thanks. (walk away)

OK, so here is the thing. I don't DO nurseries. Yes, Kevin & I made one for Corbin before he was born; he never slept in it until he was about 8. Or maybe 10. I haven't bothered with one since. So in some ways, her comment was no biggie, right? But I felt assaulted with the cultural expectation that in another 19 weeks or so, I would be taking my baby - the baby that I had just spent 40 weeks growing, connecting with, loving, bonding to - and stick him or her in isolation in another room in my house. The idea of taking your brand new baby and getting it AWAY from you that is implied by a nursery just makes me gag. And while this woman meant none of this in her innocent comment, she meant all of it. She said, without saying, "Oh, here is another woman working hard to create a space where she can get rid of that nuisance she is carrying around! Good for her!" And it pissed me off.

I know that in many ways, many of my parenting views are considered pretty radical. But really, how many more studies need to be done to convince the American public that our babies need to be with us? How many more babies need to die from SIDS before we realize that sleeping with our children is good for them? (there has never been one single SIDS death related to safe co-sleeping). How many more women need to spend the first critical months of their babies lives exhausted from getting up all night before they realize how much easier it is to roll over & nurse your baby than it is to get up from bed, trek across a house, and comfort a now screaming, upset infant?

So no, I was not painting a nursery today. Nor will I be, at any time. Not for one of my own babies, anyway. And honestly, I can't imagine being convinced to do it as a favor for anyone else, either. I'd be too busy trying to get the mommy-to-be to change her mind about the need for a nursery, and recommending articles on safe co-sleeping. You really need to decorate? Make a corner over the changing table. And if you see me with paint on your arms, know that Sego Lily is getting a make-over this summer. That's it.

oh, and right now, baby has hiccups again :)

Congratulations! It's a......

BABY!

 Baby profile, possible thumb sucking :)

We had our ultrasound today, at exactly 20 weeks. I've always had mixed feelings about US's - I had 2 with Corbin, one regular anatomy scan with Gabe, and a 'quick peek' with Athan when we thought he might be twins. At my 'advanced maternal age', however, I wanted to be prepared if there was anything to be prepared for. So, even though my midwife doesn't require an US like my last 2 did, I decided to get one anyway.

The great news is that everything looks good! Heart, lungs, brain, kidney, general development. The US tech put my due date a week earlier than my EDD, which still puts us in mid-December, but is closer to the date I intuit we will be actually having a baby. Of course, if you read my first blog post you know I don't really believe in due dates, but I still thought it interesting that his estimate was almost spot on with mine.

 Spine shot

Anyway, he kept it short, per my request, was amazingly good at getting all of the needed shots quickly, and we had a fascinating conversation about raising chickens and our unique blended family lifestyle. I have to admit I was quite relieved to see only ONE baby, what with my recent twin dreams & chicken/egg dreams (a fertility symbol, in old wives tales often said to predict pregnancy or birth of multiples).

In other news, yesterday's nausea seems to have been food related, as I feel totally fine but still tired today. Oh, and of course, today is 20 weeks, which is the half-way point of a normal pregnancy, so yay for that, I will have to remember to celebrate a bit later! It's hard to believe I am already half way through this pregnancy. There has been so much happening that time has flown, and I sure will continue to fly until about 36 weeks ;) Of course then there is Thanksgiving, one of my absolute favorite holidays, and family visiting, so that will eat up some time. Then the last couple of weeks to make winter holiday arrangements. I am sure even with all that going on I will be crawling through those last weeks wishing s/he will just SHOW UP ALREADY. Because that's simply how pregnancy goes.

19 weeks - almost a the half-way mark!

Had my last cup of coffee the other day - baby went crazy for a long time afterwards. Won't be doing that again (I have probably had half a dozen cups of coffee since getting pregnant, so there will be no withdrawals or anything, thank goodness!). Mostly, life is just chugging along, baby is growing, I'm tired, the end.

I still haven't managed to get those amazing belly photos on my computer, but I did get a few from my aunt's phone. As I have nothing really to say this week, you all get to look at growing baby belly. Enjoy :)

 Sand dunes - not very comfy lol.

 Mom made a heart from the seaweed - very scratchy ;)

Back at the Bay, trying to catch the sunset. We really did have amazing light!

Week 18 (plus one day). The weeks seem to be flying by now - having such a busy summer sure helps. It also makes me a bit nervous - when am I actually going to have time to get ready for this baby??? Maybe the month of October. Yeah, that sounds good...

 I'm apparently carrying a sweet-potato sized baby in a cantelope sized uterus. Guess that's why I am definitely looking pregnant these days!

I'm in Texas this week for "Sistah's Week" - the annual trip for the women on my mom's side of the family. This year there are only three of us - me, mom, and my aunt Mary. The rest of you suck (Just kidding, but you are truly missed!). Next year, no excuses - we are inviting spouses & kids. Probably need to rent a second house, our place - the Two Palms - only has 3 bedrooms. I could fill those myself, depending on who comes along! But since I am definitely bringing a baby, we figured hey, let's make it a bigger gathering. It will still be Sistah's Week, lots of estrogen & wine, but I'm sure it will be a blast!

We took some really great belly photos on the bay & the gulf beaches. Unfortunately I have no way to get them off my camera until I return home, so you will have to wait to see them. Some of them are really fun & artistic - belly shadows in the sunset kind of thing. Very fun :)

Not much to report on the pregnancy front - I am still finding myself needing lots of sleep (I see another nap in my future this afternoon). I would spend all day being still, sleeping, watching movies if I could. Of course I probably could only stand that for a day or so. Especially at home, where there is so much to do. It's easier here on vacation, though we have done plenty of running around. At least I don't feel the need to get up and clean every 5 minutes. My mommy even did my laundry ;)

As much as I am enjoying my trip I am looking forward to getting home to my family tomorrow. I miss Athan's constant kisses on my belly :) I really hope the house isn't completely destroyed....

Week 17 (Take 2 - I just deleted this when almost finished - damn pregnant brain!!!!). I think I will title weeks 16 & 17 "The weeks when I pretty much push myself to absolute exhaustion with a vacation at the end." Not good for a book title, but it is a pretty accurate description.

Week 17 belly - note belly is now bigger than boobs

Last weekend I took a trip to my brother's in Vegas. It was a lot of fun, but a looong drive. It should have been 5 hours each way - it took up 7 to get there, and 6 to get back. I had to pee. A lot. I was thinking this would be good practice for the two longer car trip I need to make in August & December. It's not looking good. I am considering a catheter. Anyway, we had a blast- my brother & his fiance have a great pool in their yard, that I could barely get the boys out of. Gabe was in the pool until literally 10 minutes before we left to drive home. Actually that's not entirely true, as the extreme heat (113 degrees) was causing my car to mal-function and not stay in gear - we had to park it in the garage to cool it down and leave about 1.5 hours later than planned. But he was in the pool until 10 minutes before that first attempt to leave. We also went to Tournament of Kings on Saturday night - just me & my boys eating food with our hands, watching horses & stuntmen. It was pretty cool (though I wouldn't have enjoyed it without my kids). I got home and crawled into bed about midnight on Sunday.

Only to wake up at 7am on Monday. This week is our "Summer Camp" week at Sego Lily School, which I am staffing with Rebecca. It's a ton of fun - 17 kids (they are all at the pool right now, which is why I have time to even think about this week's blog post!), ages 5-12. It's been awhile since I have had a normal staff day at Sego that didn't involve me being locked in the office and/or school meeting room. Doing puzzles, reading books, and having great conversations is way more exciting. And, 9-4 is a pretty reasonable work schedule, until you throw in 1.5 hours of commute (damn traffic), morning prep, and a pregnancy.

The 'good' news is I will be leaving Saturday morning for a trip to Texas, where I plan to let my mother & aunt take care of me for the week. the big plans include relaxing on the beach, eating, relaxing on the beach, sleeping in, reading, and relaxing on the beach. I hope it is going to make these long days worth it! I don't want to come home exhausted.

The onion & I (yes, this week's fruit comparison is a vegetable) are feeling good, though tired. No problems to speak of. My midwife is currently in Africa, working with local midwives, and learning as much as she is teaching, I am sure! Gabe has decided he is OK with a boy or a girl, so long as it likes BMX'ing and soccer. I'm still convinced it is a she - and also convinced that I am totally unreliable, due to my high level of wishful thinking. At some point, I will start a pool, for gender, date, and time of day. Winner gets half the $ put in, and the first birth announcement call. Start thinking of your guesses now.

Week 16
Wow, week 15 turned out to be an eventful one (see last week's mid-week post re: the Rose Crest Fire). Here's hoping week 16 is much calmer!

So far, the highlight of week 15 was hearing baby's heartbeat :) Cathy (our midwife) came out on Monday to do a quick prenatal visit- everything checked out fine (BP, urinalysis, fundal height, etc). I had quite the audience for the heartbeat listening - all 10 kids who were home, plus Craig, Jordan, and even Alyssa came over. Joe was working and couldn't be there, but we made a recording for him. It took a couple of minutes to find baby - s/he had gotten up as high as possible, while we were looking down low. It was such a relief to hear a good, strong heartbeat, especially after going through the stress of the fire & evacuation. Everyone cheered, which was super sweet.

It's hard to believe we are already 4+ months into this pregnancy. My next home visit with Cathy will be in the first week of September (I will see her July 31, just not at home). By then I will be almost into my third trimester (or there already!). Time seems to be moving VERY quickly - I remember being pregnant with Corbin, and feeling like July would NEVER come. This time I'm worried about being ready by December! I'm trying to savor every moment, knowing that this is my last pregnancy and my last baby, but the clock still seems to be ticking twice as fast as normal.

On the health front, I have managed to clear up some of my allergies, so my diet is expanding, thank goodness. I can now eat fish & shellfish again, fruit, eggs, onions, garlic. Still no meat variety beyond chicken, and more things to deal with later, but at least my trip to Texas in a couple weeks will involve gulf shrimp & blue crab! It turned out that the combination of fruit & grain was one of the big culprits causing my skin break-outs, so we cleared that up as well. I'm looking forward to real mayonaisse! I'm sorry but the vegan stuff tastes like crap. And I love my Mayo.

The other significant physical thing is that my weight has shifted - I've started waddling a bit lol - and my back has started paying the price. I'm trying to remember to wear shoes with a but of a heel (they shift my weight back to a more normal balance), and that helps. The flip-flops, as cool & comfy as they are, need to be forgotten. Sad, as I love my summer flip-flops.

I'm looking forward to a weekend in Vegas with my brother, even though he will be working a lot & won't get to hang out with us too much. I'm taking Athan & Gabe, mostly we will be hanging in Jeremy's pool, with an excursion or two. Quick trip, but I'm excited for the break.

Happy 4th everyone - be safe!

Week 15.5

I had hoped to post a mid-week blog with an update from my midwife appointment, maybe even a recording of baby's heartbeat. Unfortunately my MW was at a birth when our appointment was scheduled, and we have rescheduled for next Monday. Hopefully I will be able to post that update later.

So instead of getting my wonderful heartbeat update, you get the fire update instead. Many of you read my Facebook statuses yesterday as we noticed there was a fire and evacuated, and later the evacuation was made mandatory. This blog post is both an update for all of you who were wondering more about what was happening, and a way for me to capture my own experience & process a few emotional things. Think of this more as a journal than a blog for today.

After a long morning of running around, I had returned to the house and spent about an hour resting in bed. I realized I should probably figure out what we were going to do for dinner. As I walked into the main room, Craig said, "There's a fire over the ridge." We walked out on the porch to watch the smoke, which quickly became flames on the ridge, which quickly became flames moving fast down the hillside towards us. I immediately knew we were going to have to leave - I was just unsure how long we would actually have to get our things and get out.

Beginnings of the Fire

I went in and told all of the kids I could find (at home were Gabriel, and Jordan's 4 kids who are 4, 7, 9, & 10) to go grab a change of clothes. I went down to the basement to grab a suitcase. My mind was reeling- I have learned a lot in my life, and the checklist of things we would need began to run through my head. Important documents. Changes of clothes. Blankets & pillows. Towels for showers. Medications. Diapers for the 2-year old.

I also knew that I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I called my mom - I told her, through tears what was happening, and said, "I just need you to tell me what to put in this bag." She said many of the things I was already thinking:  laptop, important documents, clothes. I did remember while talking to her that my dissertation is currently on my desktop, not my laptop, so I emailed it to her. She asked what we would do with the chickens & other animals (ducks, rabbit), so we made plans to open their cages at the last moment & let them fend for themselves, knowing we may never see any of them again. Better to be humane than selfish.

As I was packing & talking to my mother, I noticed three of the kids trying to put everything they own into the van. By now, they all understood what was happening. I stopped them and explained we simply didn't have room - that they would need to choose 2-3 important things instead. I also told them I understood how hard that was, but that we didn't really have a choice. I noticed Zion with a stack of 20 books - I said no way, so he put down the stack and chose one for the car. We got the dog & cat in, linens, clothes, some bags of food. I remembered dog food, but we were out of cat food. The parakeets got loaded in. Sorry, fish, no way to take you all.

By now, the fire was getting close - maybe 3/4 of a mile away. We had seen several houses light on fire, and heard a couple of explosions we assumed to be propane tanks. I started to wander. I was off the phone by now, and began looking for things that we would need, or things I would be devastated to lose. I really wanted my grandfather's letters - I had already grabbed a painting my mother made for my birthday, a hair clip I bought in Atlantic City with my Grandmother, my other Grandmother's ring. I looked in a few places but couldn't find the letters; fortunately I knew where a set of 3 photos from my Grandfather's last Thanksgiving was, so I took that instead.

Back in my room, I noticed my three Dancing Goddess Dolls. I really wanted to take Cerradwinn (Goddess of birth) - she has been my research assistant, and I plan to have her with my at baby's birth. I also had a dream Goddess whose name I cannot remember at the moment, but knowing that we would be sleeping away from home after a traumatic event, I thought she would be good to have in the space, especially for the children. Finally there was Hecate - Goddess of Home & Hearth. I decided to leave her behind, said a quick prayer to her, and left her with instructions to keep our home safe. I've never felt Goddess energy respond in quick that powerful of a way.

I found Craig to let him know we were leaving. I was hysterical at that point - each time I looked outside, there were more flames, more smoke, and everything was closer. I had stopped at my bookshelf, wanting something that would bring joy & peace. I grabbed a few books, and mourned leaving the rest behind. I also grabbed two birth books that I have been reading. Craig asked if there was anything else that I wanted him to grab. I don't remember my exact response, except that I tried to convey that I had no idea what else I wanted/needed. I cried; he held me. I made him promise that if the fire got close he would get out, even if he had to just run. He put a coupe more items - important art pieces of his - into the van, and I left with the children. The smoke had gotten thick (not dangerously so, but being pregnant & one of the kids having asthma, it was too thick for us).

As I drove out of our driveway, I looked towards the fire. At that moment, it seemed completely hopeless. The fire had spread and was now a wall of flames, north & south of us, headed directly east towards the house. The wind was gusting about 30 mph, in our direction. I burst into tears again, but knew I needed to drive. I left our home, not knowing if I would ever see it standing again.

Traffic leaving the neighborhood was incredible - apparently almost a thousand homes were being evacuated. At this point (about 5pm) many people were headed in each direction - most leaving, but quite a few trying to get to their homes to save children, animals, important items. there were also news trucks, people coming up just to see what was going on and take pictures. joe had been trying to get back - I got him on the phone and told him I didn't know if he'd be able to get there. "Fuck that," he told me. He had already broker numerous laws - speeding, driving over curbs and through medians - and said there was nothing that was going to stop him. Jordan, too, had been heading to the house - I didn't know if she would make it, but with Joe on his way I knew Craig would have a ride out. We passed him eventually; it took nearly half an hour to make the normally 3-4 minute drive out of the neighborhood.

Fire on the mountain behind our place

As we were headed to the Cottonwood House (for anyone who doesn't know, we haven't sold our old home, and have been trying to rent it - as it was sitting empty & the utilities were still connected, we simply headed there), I began having conversations with the kids. I spoke about how fortunate we were to have another house to go to - how all these other people we were passing were calling friends, family members, hotels trying to find someplace to go. I also got them all doing a visualization - we had seen one of the tankers dropping the red fire retardant on the fire, so we all imagined a HUGE vat of the red stuff over our whole property, flowing endlessly and protecting the house, the yurt, the sheds, the field, the garden. For a few moments the car was quiet as I drove.

We arrived at the house and brought in a few items - we all needed a drink, and we had juice in the car. I needed to go next door - I had gotten my medications but forgotten the box with everyone else's vitamins and such. Gabe had had 2 dental appointments in a row, and was taking lots of ibuprophin plus using a number of essential oils, and we had none of it with us. Our neighbors were surprised to see us on their doorstep, but said they had just seen the news. I asked for the ibuprofen and also asked if I could see their news feed - the picture from the report was scary - especially since you could see our house right in the midst of the fire. I read a quick report, thanked them, and went back to our place.  I started making calls & updating Facebook & responding to texts. Kevin had called while we were driving and asked what we needed - I requested some dinner, and he said he would bring chinese food. I got an update form the house - Craig, Jordan, and Joe were all working, packing items & collecting animals. Craig promised to call me when he left the house - which would mean he was either kicked out by the cops, or the fire was dangerously close. Kevin arrived with food (TONS of food!) and we ate some dinner. It was about 6pm by now.

Around 6:30, I got texts from Craig & Jordan saying that they had been escorted out by the cops. The good news was they had all of the rabbits & chickens, and the 2 baby ducks. Our two adult mallards would have to fend for themselves. The bad news was that the evacuation was mandatory. they stopped down the hill and took a last few pictures - one was posted on my Facebook account. They needed to stop by the store for cat food, rabbit food, and some more human food. Meanwhile, Joe got here with the animals - we unloaded them into the garage, where the 20 chickens are now running free in the 3rd car bay (which is closed off from the rest of the garage & house); we got them all fed & watered. By 8, Craig & Jordan got here, with the food, and more treasures (Craig rescued my scrapbooks, which made me cry again). I left to get Athan from Heather's house, where he had been playing safely with his friend Zoe all day. By the time I got back, it was 9:30 or so. Alyssa & her son Darius had gotten here by then too - Joe had towed her trailer to the nearby rodeo grounds, and she had gotten a few items out of it. We were all safe (including all of the animals), we had the basics we needed, and we were all tired. Someone put on a movie, and most of us (3 adults & 7 kids) settled in to sleep in the living room. I love that with 6600 square feet available, we all wanted to be in one room together :).

Chickens in the garage!

As of this morning, we don't know much. News reports are conflicting - 350 acres burned vs 669, for example. 4 houses lost, plus numerous structures (barns, garages, sheds, etc). We heard 60% contained, then 15% contained. All reports have confirmed that the evacuation is still under order, and there will probably be no change until this evening. I'm guessing another night here at Cottonwood, but if they lift the evacuation we will send a scout out to see what the state of things are. I am sure the house will need to be aired out (it was smelling quite smokey already at 5pm); there is the possibility of some damage. And of course there is the slight possibility that there is no house, or that it is fire damaged & uninhabitable. The pictures yesterday were all so close to our house we could monitor things; today's pictures haven't shown our home or our neighbors. I've been checking the city website every hour, but there is no new news.

I guess that's about all there is to say for now - I am sure I will be dealing with my own stress & processing for awhile, plus that of the kids. I was glad Athan was at a friend's house, and missed the drama of getting out of the house. He is in a stage right now of lots of fears, and seeing that fire might have been the end of him sleeping for weeks. Gabe was such a help - once he got his things, he just kept asking me what we needed, & how he could help. We cried for a moment together. He gathered blankets, food, and Craig's digeridoos, and packed things into the van. He's such a young man these days in so many ways, and his actions yesterday really solidified that for me. I was having tons of Braxton-Hicks contractions yesterday with all the stress, but that has stopped today as I have spent time relaxing & the immediate danger is gone. I have an appointment Monday with the midwife, so I'm looking forward to that life-affirming experience. I've been proud of everyone, and so grateful for the support of our community. thank you to everyone for the love & prayers. We are all safe, and that is what matters.

update: We were allowed to return home Saturday afternoon. Our property was untouched, though the fire came very close and things smell quite smokey. The ducks we left behind were perfectly happy, running through the yard as usual as though nothing had happened. The mountain behind us is blackened, as is the area west of us. It's amazing to think of what could have happened, and if the wind hadn't died down when it did, the damage to our home and many others would have been much, much worse.

 Charred mountainside

One more thing - today (Sunday) I made a card & Jordan & the kids & I drew pictures & wrote messages for the fire-fighters. I also made a double batch of oatmeal raisin cookies. We took them to our closest fire station. I know that people came from all over - South Jordan, Draper, Salt Lake, etc - but I felt the need to thank someone for saving our home. I took 7 of the kids - Gabe, Athan, Katie, Nate, Luke, Zion, & Eve - and we found the lieutenant at the station (the crew was out working, of course). I couldn't help but cry as we said thank you - he said, "But everything is OK, right?" and I nodded through my tears. I will be forever grateful to the work done during those 24 hours to save everyone's home & property that they could.