Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Week 6. And technically, the name of my blog is officially no longer accurate. It's my 41st birthday today, so i am no longer 40. But 40 weeks at 40 is a cooler name, so I'm sticking with it. Maybe I will sub-title it "or 40ish, anyway." Which, of course, is also true of the 40 weeks part.


I started off my birthday by puking. Accupuncture was really helpful yesterday - I actually was starving when I got up from the table, and went and ate immediately afterwards. But today I feel basically the same - sick to my stomach all day, waves of nausea when I smell anything cooking. FUN! I've found my comfort zone with foods though - tart, cool things, like smoothies and ice cream work wonders, and when I get my tummy settled I can usually eat some protein. Oh, and I'm going through ginger-ale like it's going out of style...

As for that '40 weeks' part. I got an app for my phone with a due date calculator & countdown. Just in case you are wondering, as of today I have 238 days left in my pregnancy! That alone could be enough to send me off on one of my pregnancy related rants - approximately 10% of babies are born on their due dates, and yet our culture has this obsession with them. It's the first thing people ask when they find out someone is pregnant - "So when are you due?" - like the answer coming out of your mouth actually indicates when a baby will be born. While I haven't told anyone yet (Joe, Craig, Jordan, and my accupuncturist are the only people who know so far), my answer will be "Sometime around Christmas." Blog secret: my actual EDD is December 18th. By telling people a week later, I will avoid the numerous calls, emails, and texts that make pregnant women feel like watched pots. This will be the ONLY mention of my actual EDD. Speaking of EDD- the term means ESTIMATED due date. Again, people forget the E and cling to the DD.

Enough of that rant. I have a bigger one, but this one actually comes from a commitment that is aligned with my work as a birth researcher. This same app, which will remain nameless in this conversation, has a "Birth Plan" section. Just for fun - HA! - I decided to click on it. 20 minutes later, when I was calm enough to speak again, I began to formulate coherent responses. Essentially, the app assumes you will be in a hospital. And almost every 'choice' is worded in a way that assumes helplessness on the part of the mother, that the doctors will ultimately be making the choices, and that the choices that COULD be made are all listed. Here is an example:

Monitoring
_I would like continuous fetal monitoring
_I would like intermittent fetal monitoring, if possible
_I would like to avoid an internal monitor, if possible

Notice there are no choices that are consistent with what would happen at a home, or most birth center, birth. There is no choice for "I would only like to have my baby's heart tones listened to with a doppler scope or fetascope." There is no option that states, "Keep your technology and it's faulty readings as far from me and my baby as humanly possible, preferably in a building separate from that in which my birth is taking place." We are to assume, from the choices given, that fetal monitoring MUST happen in all births; that you may not actually have a choice ('if possible'); and that it must be a good thing because it is on the list.

New moms, in particular, are inundated with information throughout their pregnancies. By not giving the full picture, we are enforcing the culture of helplessness and 'uninformed-ness' surrounding birth. My rant here is not just for the purpose of ranting, however. I actually plan to contact the developers and offer my services, as a birth researcher, in improving this app. Gotta use that Dr title for something, right?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How do you KNOW when you are pregnant? I mean sure, I took a test on April 12th, but even before that, I KNEW. Maybe I knew when I opened up the ham to make sandwiches and it smelled like vomit. Or when my boobs, that normally hurt for a day or two before I get my period, were still sore three days later. Or maybe I just knew because I was a couple of days late, and I am NEVER late.

Bottom line is, I'm having a baby. This will be my fourth, and since the other three are boys, yes of course I'm hoping for a girl but I'm also not holding my breath. I live and work with girls and frankly, they scare the crap out of me - SO much more drama than a boy. And yet, the relationship I have with my mother, as a daughter, is just so amazing...

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. As of today, I am exactly 5 weeks pregnant. Which is not very long, although it's kind of fun to have 5 weeks down already. And I won't even be posting this live for a few more weeks, so by the time anyone reads it, I'll be at 8 weeks. That's 20%.

I'm starting this blog for a few reasons. First, so my friends and family can read it instead of calling me constantly to see how I'm feeling - I'm somewhat kidding, I am sure I will appreciate the calls & emails, but this way anyone who wants to know can check in online & read about my journey. Second, as a journal for myself. And Third, because honestly while I don't know what this journey has in store, I am very clear about one things: Being pregnant at 40 ain't like being pregnant at 28.

So, how am I feeling? Tired. Really, really tired. Seriously I feel like I could sleep all day. And nauseous - yesterday I had to pull the car over and puke by the side of the road. Today I've managed it better, and avoided actual vomiting, but still feel crazy nauseous.

Beyond that? Excited. Thrilled. A little nervous of course. Happy that my two requirements for having a baby have both been met: I got pregnant before my 41st birthday (which is in 7 days), and I will be able to do my research pregnant, interviewing women who just had babies while mine grows. I'm surprised, too, since I was convinced I could not get pregnant anymore. We tried for 9 months (actually we tried for 7 months, and gave up trying for the last 2), and with the various health issues I have dealt with, plus my age, I figured maybe this just wasn't going to happen.

And yet, here we are. Baby #4 on the way. Which in our family is kid #13. Which is crazy.
And did I mention I'm 40?