Week 11! Almost out of the first trimester, and with the combinations of B12 injections, managing what & when I eat very carefully, and hormonal changes, I am almost done with the puke stage. Yay! Seriously, I've got it down to nausea 1/2 time. While that may sound completely miserable, it's a miracle to me.

According to my phone app baby-countdown, I should be thinking about buying a family-sized car, picking out a crib, and choosing a theme for my nursery. Let's see... I think between the mini-van and the 15-passenger van that we are in the process of purchasing, we have that part handled. I had a crib once (when Corbin was born), and found it very useful for holding all of the clean laundry that I didn't have time to fold, but I think I will stick to laundry baskets this time around. And nurseries around here consist of mamas arms in the family bed, and I don't really feel the need to 'theme' my bedroom. So check, check, and check on the to-do items....

I sweet friend sent over 4 bags of little girl clothes, so now I am really hoping this baby is a girl so she gets a chance to wear it all :). I said when Athan was born that we had dodged a budgetary bullet - I'm so NOT a girly girl, but OMG I see those sweet little baby girl dresses and I just melt. Oh, and I may have made one or two already as well... I did refrain from buying every girlie pattern of baby-legs at the Steals network warehouse sale the other day, and stuck with 2 neutral and one semi-feminine pair (a real bummer, as they were $3 each, usually $15-20 and I LOVE baby legs). I also bought 2 cloth diapers, one blue and one purple. I passed on the hot pink ;)

OK, and a quick rant for the week, also from my phone app: The day 74 'tip' starts out like this: "To Breastfeed of Not To Breastfeed: If you are capable of breastfeeding your newborn child..." EXCUSE ME???? What's the implication here? You may not be capable of breastfeeding. OK fine, in a few cases, this is actually a concern. It's estimated that less than 2% of mothers are physically unable to breastfeed their children. It has also been stated that if the percentage of women who have been told they 'can't' breastfeed was a reality, we would have died out as a species a loooong time ago. 'Inability' to breastfeed is usually caused by lack of information and/or support, and occasionally by dietary issues such as dehydration, or the consumption of herbs that limit or prohibit milk supply. True issues that limit or prohibit breastfeeding include prior surgeries, necessary medications that stop milk supply or should not be passed on to baby, and issues on the part of the infant such as premature birth or oral deformation.

So with all of that in mind, why on Earth should that 'tip' begin by inferring that you may not be able to breastfeed? Miscarriage in the first 6 weeks of pregnancy is extremely common (one study estimated that 25% of pregnancies end before women even know that they started)... and none of the tips in the early days start out by saying, "If you are lucky enough to still be pregnant today..." I mentioned a few weeks back that I would be contacting the developer of this app to discuss altering the birth plan section to reflect real choices for women. I'm seeing a need to re-write a whole lot more. In fact, if they turn down my proposal, I now plan to talk to other companies with similar apps to see if someone has the balls to create an app for AP-type parents, or at least have their app reflect the range of choices & reality that truly exists in pregnancy and childbirth.

Week 10. That's a quarter of the way through already. Man, time is flying. I need to start taking belly pictures every week - since I already look 4-5 months pregnant, they should be interesting to see already. For those of you who don't live nearby, and haven't had the privilege of watching me waddle around already, it's crazy. At least a little bit of it is actually uterus now, not just bloating and weight gain from the crazy morning sickness diet.

 What's up with the fruit comparisons for baby size? This week the fetus (yes it's now officially a fetus and no longer an embryo, as all of the organs have formed) is the size of a prune, strawberry, or kumquat depending on the source you are reading. Maybe it's linked to the phrase 'she's so cute I want to eat her up,' but honestly there is nothing appetizing about eating a fetus. I mean, ew..... And for the record, each of these images I have been posting weekly are actual development correlated to the length of my pregnancy. FUN :)

A couple of people have already asked why I am choosing to use a midwife this pregnancy & birth (last time, with Athan, I used my chiropractor & massage therapist for prenatal support, and planned to birth unassissted until bleeding sent me to the hospital). The bottom line is, my partner isn't OK with it - he's nervous, worried, and in his own words, would have no clue if something wasn't going right. Which means he wouldn't be as available to me as I need him to be when the time comes - I need him there protecting me & the space, being my rock & support, not worrying that something bad is about to happen on his watch. And, since I found a midwife who is willing to be pretty hands-off and let me say what support I need/want, I figure I can get a lot of space while still honoring my partner. Good balance.

Honestly, I don't have a whole lot to say this week. My hormones have been crazy - I'm crying at everything, feeling exhausted & overwhelmed by tiny little things. I need a massage, but have been getting out to the hot tub every day instead (don't worry, we keep the temp relatively low, no boiled baby). I want to eat nourishing foods but can't keep most of them down yet. I want to take long walks but have no energy for them. I'm using the FlyLady trick of doing things in 15 minute intervals - cleaning up for 15 minutes, etc, so I am getting a few of the essential things done. I am asking for help more, and letting others do more (thanks to Jordan for making so many extra dinners lately!). Mostly I want to sleep. And I wouldn't trade any of this for anything - this too shall pass, as they say, and before long I'll be posting birth stories, and then graduation photos. Maybe a few things in between ;)

Movie Review!

What to Expect When You're Expecting

(Warning: This is a cultural & statistical critique of the portrayal of pregnancy and birth, not a movie critic's opinion about the plot, narrative, actors, etc, and does contain movie spoilers!)

I originally had no intent of seeing this movie. I mean honestly, how many cultural stereo-types of pregnancy and birth can one birth researcher handle in a lifetime? But, as I feel it's integral to my research to keep abreast of these kinds of things, I went anyway.

Essentially, the film chronicles the journey to parenthood for 5 couples (though one 'couple' is a one-night stand turned pregnancy). It covers many aspects of motherhood, including infertility & adoption, early pregnancy loss, pre-term labor, and just about every pregnancy symptom one could imagine. While I found very little humor in the film, I could relate to a few moments, and was presently surprised to not be as upset as I thought I might be upon leaving the theater.

First, I must say I am not a fan of the book of the same name, which was prominently displayed several times in the movie. I, and many others, feel that the book takes too much power away from women - creating their obstetricians as the ultimate authorities with whom they should consult at every twist and turn. Additionally, while the information in the book can be helpful to an expectant mother, the constant focus on everything that COULD go wrong sets up a scenario of constant worry, where making an informed decision to turn down a prenatal test or diagnostic becomes almost impossible. I mean, WHAT IF???

PROS

I'll start my movie critique with a few positive things about the film that impressed me. First, there was a straight conversation between one of the couples about circumcision. The father - on the side of tradition, and wanting his son to be like him - says it's a no-brainer, while the mother presents the arguments against it, citing no medical necessity, loss of sensitivity in the penis, and possible complications. Just the fact that this was presented in the movie was surprising to me, and I was glad to see that the debate has made it that far into the mainstream.

Another pro was the fact that of the three women who gave birth in the film, only one chose to have an epidural. A recent National Vital Statistics Report (1) reported national epidural use at about 61%, with the highest state rate in South Carolina at 75.9%, and the lowest at 42.5% in California. In Georgia, where the births took place, the rate is 59.9% - meaning two of the three women should have portrayed as having epidural anesthesia.

Some of the emotional portrayals in the film were quite honest and raw - the love a mother feels holding a baby for the first time, the fear & doubt that a first time mother can feel before giving birth, the hormonal ups and downs, and the joys of morning sickness, sore breasts, swollen ankles, and exhaustion. Being 10 weeks pregnant myself, experiencing many of these first had right now, I could relate.

CONS

Unfortunately, my list of cons is a lot longer.

Dads: Let's start with the dads. While the whole concept of the "Dude's Club" is wonderful - dads getting together on Saturday mornings for a walk with the babies, giving mom a little needed rest, enjoying the male bonding - the conversations are abhorrent. One of the first comments from one of the dad's is "This is where happiness comes to die." Really guys? Parenthood is THAT bad? There are several scenes in which the dads discuss the horrors of parenting, including of course the absolutely terrifying moment when your wife is giving birth (described more like a horror movie than the miracle that birth is). There is an attempt later in the movie to dismiss the frustration, when Chris Rock's character talks about how wonderful being a dad is, how he wouldn't trade it for anything, etc.  Unfortunately, it feels totally nongenuine and forced, too little too late. few men would willingly choose fatherhood if this was their impression of what it was.


Breastfeeding: There is one mention of breastfeeding among the pregnant mothers - Cameron Diaz's character, while collecting literature in her OB's office, says, "Breastfeeding! We'll need to know about that!" Yes ladies, you will. But you will find no other real mention of the subject in this film. The crazy thing is, one of the moms owns a store called "The Breast Place," which we are supposed to believe is a lactation support shop. Not once, in any shot of the store, do we see a nursing bra, breast pump, or lactation support book. If one were to draw a conclusion based on this store, all one needs for nursing support is a whole lot of stuffed animals and plastic toys. And of course, a copy of What to Expect When You Are Expecting. The store's owner has written a board book for toddlers about nursing, which we see in the beginning, and there is a shot where a few mothers are nursing their babies at the reading of this book. And that's it folks. Breastfeeding conversation: Over.


Portrayals of Pregnancy & Pregnancy Issues: One couple in the film is adopting due to her infertility. For about 90 seconds we get to hear about the frustrations, sadness, and anger that Jennifer Lopez's character feels about these issues. Another couple loses their baby at what seems to be the 12 week point. Again, we get about 90 seconds of the honest emotional havoc of pregnancy loss. In both cases, the issues are presented and almost - but not quite - dismissed. Having suffered the loss of a pregnancy in 1998, I know that I would have had a lot more to say than Anna Kedrick's character did. We also follow two characters who seem to be the caricatures of pregnancy - one with difficulties, one without. While Elizabeth Banks suffers every pregnancy malady - hemorrhoids, acne, morning sickness, fatigue, loss of bladder control to name a few - Brooklyn Decker sails through with nothing more than a bump to manage. Banks; then delivers a monologue about how horrible pregnancy is, how much it sucks and she can't wait for it to be over and hopes she will forget the whole thing. She is later rewarded for her 'honesty' by a long line of customers outside her store.

Look, I have my head in a toilet at least once a day right now. None of my clothes fit, and that's only going to get worse. I can't climb a set up stairs without getting winded. This is my 4th baby, and I've dealt with most of the common pregnancy issues. and you know what? Not for a minute did I ever HATE being pregnant. It doesn't suck. Throwing up sucks, sure. Hemorrhoids suck. Waking up to pee 10 times a night sucks. But pregnancy? It's a freaking miracle, folks. If what it takes for me to CREATE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING is throwing up daily for 8 weeks, sign me up. It felt like what the film-makers were trying to do was present some of the reality of pregnancy - we don't all glow, meditate serenely, and give birth effortlessly - but it doesn't suck. It's a blessing and an honor. Period.

The Birth Scenes: Of course the movie ends with a mad rush to the hospital. By all three pregnant women. At the same time. To the same hospital. That's believable, right? All three give birth in the hospital with OB's. All three are shown with IV's in their arms; one is shown with a fetal monitor on her belly; one screams at her husband until an epidural is administered (the moment he becomes her savior); none leave their beds once they enter the hospital; both vaginal births are shown on their backs pushing; and the mom who had no pregnancy difficulties literally sneezes out one of her twins. In the end, we have two 'natural' hospital deliveries, and one cesarean. The c-section is interesting, in that one could ask if the epidural led to the surgery (which led to post-op bleeding, and a touching moment of a worried dad); of course most people won't ask - we are supposed to be happy that the doctors saved her. There is a whole lot of screaming in these last scenes - both screaming at dads and screaming in pain, and not a nurse or midwife around encouraging turning those screams into deep moans that help rather than increase tension. Honestly, it's just a typical portrayal of women screeching in pain, because, you know, that's the only way labor can go. Brooklyn Decker doesn't experience pain at all - but her character has been so caricatured that no reasonable women would see this film and think that painless birth could be real.

In short, the film was predictable with a few nice surprises. Would I recommend it? Definitely not to anyone who actually wanted to know what to expect when they were expecting. And certainly not to a hesitant dad, even though all of the dads fall in love with the children (biological and adopted). And honestly, it wasn't funny enough to recommend just for comedic value. I'm just hoping they don't do a "What to Expect the First Year" sequel - somehow I doubt we would see a sling-wearing, co-sleeping, extended breastfeeder among the bunch. And THAT would get my blood boiling...



1. Osterman, M.J.K & Martin, J.A. (2011). National Vital Statistics Report: Epidural and Spinal Anesthesia Use During Labor: 27-state Reporting Area, 2008. Volume 59, Number 5.

Week 9. I'm thinking accupuncture every week is going to be essential - I tried skipping a week & let's just say it isn't going well. Fortunately I have an appointment today at 3pm.

The biggest news - besides the fact that I made it through my back-to-back trips without throwing up on a plane - is that I met with the midwife I want to use and she is absolutely wonderful. I wanted someone who is willing to be as hands-off as I want them to be. She is also willing to forgo any tests that I don't want (no required anything except a basic blood draw), lives close to me, and does ALL the prenatal visits in your home. She also has a flat fee, no surprises. But most importantly, we talked birth philosophy for most of the visit, and she is a real fit for me.

I was thinking about the birth (anything to keep my mind off of the nausea!), and in particular was worried about the busy-ness of our house - how on earth am I going to get some peace & quiet with 6-12 kids running around? Craig & I were discussing it, and that's when the idea of the Yurt came up. It's private, quiet, warm (with the stove burning), and sacred. I already feel more settled with the whole idea of how this birth will play out.

At this point most of the family knows - Mom, Dad, the brothers, and of course all of the kids here. Joe's kids I am sure will find out this weekend (they are scheduled to be here, anyway). The Sego community knows - that took about 2 hours for the news to spread. And of course now that I have made this blog public, it's out there in most of my communities as well. I have two other friends who confessed their pregnancies to me (hadn't told their families yet) - one local & one long-distance. All of us have kids, are a bit older, and haven't been pregnant for awhile. I smell a support group forming ;)

Each day, I cross my fingers that in a few more weeks this stage will have passed, and I will be able to eat normally - and more important more healthy! - than I have been able to. I had planned to get my study interviews done while pregnant, and honestly if this exhaustion & nausea don't end soon I am going to have to re-think my time-line. Which means taking on more debt in student loans, argh... So let's all just create that this is normal first trimester yuckiness!

I figured this week might be a good time to go public. I was planning to wait for another 3-4 weeks, you know the standard 'tell people at the end of the first trimester' logic, but at this point I am worried there are a few people who might be concerned that I am dying of cancer or some other similar ailment. Since I can't say to anyone that I'm feeling better, I'll just make my announcement now.
So, if that crypticness and the name of this blog haven't revealed the announcement for you, here goes, in all caps just to be sure:

I AM PREGNANT. Eight weeks at this point, which isn't very many weeks, but after now having 4 weeks of constant nausea, exhaustion, and fuzzy-brain, as I said, there are some people who are starting to worry. So if you are one of those folks, don't worry. And if you are not one of those folks, for whatever reason, you got let in on the big secret anyway. Yay!

I'm unlocking the previous weeks of this blog that I have been keeping if you feel like knowing how the journey has been so far. And I plan to post every week with updates and (eventually) belly photos. Speaking of those, CUZ - I expect you to take many cool shots at the beach this summer :) Fortunately I get big FAST, so even though I'll only be about 5 months along, there will be plenty of belly to photograph. (For those who don't know, my cousin Corynn is an AMAZING photographer!)

The big update for this week is that I told Gabe (10) last night, and will be telling Corbin (12) today and Athan (5) tonight. I was really surprised at Gabe's reaction. Awhile back he had made some comments about how he would kill himself if there was another kid in the house (not to worry, Gabe is my actor and loves to dramatize everything). He was actually excited, congratulated me, and was fascinated by the facts like the baby being the size of a blueberry. Of course now we are up to a raspberry, but still - the fruit comparison was cool, he thought.

I've had to buy some maternity clothes, as the constant eating & throwing up has caused me to gain some weight and it makes no sense to just go buy pants a size bigger. But they are more comfortable anyway, and I am going to REALLY need them eventually, so I guess it all works out anyway.

That's about it - I'm not going to moan about the nausea this week, though it's still very much there. I am worried about my travel this weekend - I have a hard time on airplanes, and am notorious for puking on flights when I am pregnant. Making 6 flights in 5 days is more than likely NOT going to be fun. I am looking forward to celebrating my dad's 65th birthday, and of course going to Fairhaven School in DC for their thesis committee is a big honor and I LOVE those trips. Just gotta keep extra bags, extra shirts, and keep my hair pulled back I guess...

Love to you all!

Week 7. Whomever named it "morning sickness" should be shot. Or better yet, forced to suffer 24/7 with nausea and vomiting for about 14 weeks nonstop. OK, I get occasional breaks: right after each accupuncture treatment I am starving and race off to stuff my face; this evening, I got a craving and had a HUGE dinner at melting pot. As long as I eat constantly, the nausea remains low-grade and I can keep my blood sugar regulated. Bonus: I'm only puking about twice a week now. Anti-Bonus: none of my clothes fit already, because I'm eating non-stop.

In other news, we got to tell my mom, which was exciting - she was actually in town, so I got to tell her in person, which was wonderful. I had been keeping the secret from her (well, and basically everyone), which is hard for me because I tell my mom everything, but I was really looking forward to telling her in person. We told her to keep it secret, but she immediately told my aunt (who is now pretending that she doesn't know). Family dynamics!

I'm finding that the current style in maternity clothes is going to be tough - everything seems to be in the 'tuck below your belly' style. Which is cuter than the 'massive panel to stretch over your belly' style. Unfortunately, I've got about an inch of body between the top of pelvic bones and where I carry babies, which means I will be looking for REALLY loose clothes, because those elastic bands just cut right into my tummy. None of the boys liked that pressure on their space once they could move around, and frankly neither did I. I guess I'll go with dresses. Which will be fun in December....

What else? Baby is now blueberry sized - as Joe said the other night while I was in the midst of throwing up, "That blueberry is kicking your ASS." Yes, she is. She is definitely making me tired, too. Boobs not hurting as much, so that's nice.

Oh, and I had a tarot reading - pulled a card for the blueberry, we got two black birds (one raven, not sure the other) on either side of a white horse. Not entirely sure what that means, but the psychic seemed a bit speechless by the whole thing. Any experts on that out there? I looked it up in Animal Speak and found some interesting things about the individual animals, but know nothing about the combination, other than there is a LOT of Air energy, movement, and power.