Week 18 (plus one day). The weeks seem to be flying by now - having such a busy summer sure helps. It also makes me a bit nervous - when am I actually going to have time to get ready for this baby??? Maybe the month of October. Yeah, that sounds good...

 I'm apparently carrying a sweet-potato sized baby in a cantelope sized uterus. Guess that's why I am definitely looking pregnant these days!

I'm in Texas this week for "Sistah's Week" - the annual trip for the women on my mom's side of the family. This year there are only three of us - me, mom, and my aunt Mary. The rest of you suck (Just kidding, but you are truly missed!). Next year, no excuses - we are inviting spouses & kids. Probably need to rent a second house, our place - the Two Palms - only has 3 bedrooms. I could fill those myself, depending on who comes along! But since I am definitely bringing a baby, we figured hey, let's make it a bigger gathering. It will still be Sistah's Week, lots of estrogen & wine, but I'm sure it will be a blast!

We took some really great belly photos on the bay & the gulf beaches. Unfortunately I have no way to get them off my camera until I return home, so you will have to wait to see them. Some of them are really fun & artistic - belly shadows in the sunset kind of thing. Very fun :)

Not much to report on the pregnancy front - I am still finding myself needing lots of sleep (I see another nap in my future this afternoon). I would spend all day being still, sleeping, watching movies if I could. Of course I probably could only stand that for a day or so. Especially at home, where there is so much to do. It's easier here on vacation, though we have done plenty of running around. At least I don't feel the need to get up and clean every 5 minutes. My mommy even did my laundry ;)

As much as I am enjoying my trip I am looking forward to getting home to my family tomorrow. I miss Athan's constant kisses on my belly :) I really hope the house isn't completely destroyed....

Week 17 (Take 2 - I just deleted this when almost finished - damn pregnant brain!!!!). I think I will title weeks 16 & 17 "The weeks when I pretty much push myself to absolute exhaustion with a vacation at the end." Not good for a book title, but it is a pretty accurate description.

Week 17 belly - note belly is now bigger than boobs

Last weekend I took a trip to my brother's in Vegas. It was a lot of fun, but a looong drive. It should have been 5 hours each way - it took up 7 to get there, and 6 to get back. I had to pee. A lot. I was thinking this would be good practice for the two longer car trip I need to make in August & December. It's not looking good. I am considering a catheter. Anyway, we had a blast- my brother & his fiance have a great pool in their yard, that I could barely get the boys out of. Gabe was in the pool until literally 10 minutes before we left to drive home. Actually that's not entirely true, as the extreme heat (113 degrees) was causing my car to mal-function and not stay in gear - we had to park it in the garage to cool it down and leave about 1.5 hours later than planned. But he was in the pool until 10 minutes before that first attempt to leave. We also went to Tournament of Kings on Saturday night - just me & my boys eating food with our hands, watching horses & stuntmen. It was pretty cool (though I wouldn't have enjoyed it without my kids). I got home and crawled into bed about midnight on Sunday.

Only to wake up at 7am on Monday. This week is our "Summer Camp" week at Sego Lily School, which I am staffing with Rebecca. It's a ton of fun - 17 kids (they are all at the pool right now, which is why I have time to even think about this week's blog post!), ages 5-12. It's been awhile since I have had a normal staff day at Sego that didn't involve me being locked in the office and/or school meeting room. Doing puzzles, reading books, and having great conversations is way more exciting. And, 9-4 is a pretty reasonable work schedule, until you throw in 1.5 hours of commute (damn traffic), morning prep, and a pregnancy.

The 'good' news is I will be leaving Saturday morning for a trip to Texas, where I plan to let my mother & aunt take care of me for the week. the big plans include relaxing on the beach, eating, relaxing on the beach, sleeping in, reading, and relaxing on the beach. I hope it is going to make these long days worth it! I don't want to come home exhausted.

The onion & I (yes, this week's fruit comparison is a vegetable) are feeling good, though tired. No problems to speak of. My midwife is currently in Africa, working with local midwives, and learning as much as she is teaching, I am sure! Gabe has decided he is OK with a boy or a girl, so long as it likes BMX'ing and soccer. I'm still convinced it is a she - and also convinced that I am totally unreliable, due to my high level of wishful thinking. At some point, I will start a pool, for gender, date, and time of day. Winner gets half the $ put in, and the first birth announcement call. Start thinking of your guesses now.

Week 16
Wow, week 15 turned out to be an eventful one (see last week's mid-week post re: the Rose Crest Fire). Here's hoping week 16 is much calmer!

So far, the highlight of week 15 was hearing baby's heartbeat :) Cathy (our midwife) came out on Monday to do a quick prenatal visit- everything checked out fine (BP, urinalysis, fundal height, etc). I had quite the audience for the heartbeat listening - all 10 kids who were home, plus Craig, Jordan, and even Alyssa came over. Joe was working and couldn't be there, but we made a recording for him. It took a couple of minutes to find baby - s/he had gotten up as high as possible, while we were looking down low. It was such a relief to hear a good, strong heartbeat, especially after going through the stress of the fire & evacuation. Everyone cheered, which was super sweet.

It's hard to believe we are already 4+ months into this pregnancy. My next home visit with Cathy will be in the first week of September (I will see her July 31, just not at home). By then I will be almost into my third trimester (or there already!). Time seems to be moving VERY quickly - I remember being pregnant with Corbin, and feeling like July would NEVER come. This time I'm worried about being ready by December! I'm trying to savor every moment, knowing that this is my last pregnancy and my last baby, but the clock still seems to be ticking twice as fast as normal.

On the health front, I have managed to clear up some of my allergies, so my diet is expanding, thank goodness. I can now eat fish & shellfish again, fruit, eggs, onions, garlic. Still no meat variety beyond chicken, and more things to deal with later, but at least my trip to Texas in a couple weeks will involve gulf shrimp & blue crab! It turned out that the combination of fruit & grain was one of the big culprits causing my skin break-outs, so we cleared that up as well. I'm looking forward to real mayonaisse! I'm sorry but the vegan stuff tastes like crap. And I love my Mayo.

The other significant physical thing is that my weight has shifted - I've started waddling a bit lol - and my back has started paying the price. I'm trying to remember to wear shoes with a but of a heel (they shift my weight back to a more normal balance), and that helps. The flip-flops, as cool & comfy as they are, need to be forgotten. Sad, as I love my summer flip-flops.

I'm looking forward to a weekend in Vegas with my brother, even though he will be working a lot & won't get to hang out with us too much. I'm taking Athan & Gabe, mostly we will be hanging in Jeremy's pool, with an excursion or two. Quick trip, but I'm excited for the break.

Happy 4th everyone - be safe!

Week 15.5

I had hoped to post a mid-week blog with an update from my midwife appointment, maybe even a recording of baby's heartbeat. Unfortunately my MW was at a birth when our appointment was scheduled, and we have rescheduled for next Monday. Hopefully I will be able to post that update later.

So instead of getting my wonderful heartbeat update, you get the fire update instead. Many of you read my Facebook statuses yesterday as we noticed there was a fire and evacuated, and later the evacuation was made mandatory. This blog post is both an update for all of you who were wondering more about what was happening, and a way for me to capture my own experience & process a few emotional things. Think of this more as a journal than a blog for today.

After a long morning of running around, I had returned to the house and spent about an hour resting in bed. I realized I should probably figure out what we were going to do for dinner. As I walked into the main room, Craig said, "There's a fire over the ridge." We walked out on the porch to watch the smoke, which quickly became flames on the ridge, which quickly became flames moving fast down the hillside towards us. I immediately knew we were going to have to leave - I was just unsure how long we would actually have to get our things and get out.

Beginnings of the Fire

I went in and told all of the kids I could find (at home were Gabriel, and Jordan's 4 kids who are 4, 7, 9, & 10) to go grab a change of clothes. I went down to the basement to grab a suitcase. My mind was reeling- I have learned a lot in my life, and the checklist of things we would need began to run through my head. Important documents. Changes of clothes. Blankets & pillows. Towels for showers. Medications. Diapers for the 2-year old.

I also knew that I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I called my mom - I told her, through tears what was happening, and said, "I just need you to tell me what to put in this bag." She said many of the things I was already thinking:  laptop, important documents, clothes. I did remember while talking to her that my dissertation is currently on my desktop, not my laptop, so I emailed it to her. She asked what we would do with the chickens & other animals (ducks, rabbit), so we made plans to open their cages at the last moment & let them fend for themselves, knowing we may never see any of them again. Better to be humane than selfish.

As I was packing & talking to my mother, I noticed three of the kids trying to put everything they own into the van. By now, they all understood what was happening. I stopped them and explained we simply didn't have room - that they would need to choose 2-3 important things instead. I also told them I understood how hard that was, but that we didn't really have a choice. I noticed Zion with a stack of 20 books - I said no way, so he put down the stack and chose one for the car. We got the dog & cat in, linens, clothes, some bags of food. I remembered dog food, but we were out of cat food. The parakeets got loaded in. Sorry, fish, no way to take you all.

By now, the fire was getting close - maybe 3/4 of a mile away. We had seen several houses light on fire, and heard a couple of explosions we assumed to be propane tanks. I started to wander. I was off the phone by now, and began looking for things that we would need, or things I would be devastated to lose. I really wanted my grandfather's letters - I had already grabbed a painting my mother made for my birthday, a hair clip I bought in Atlantic City with my Grandmother, my other Grandmother's ring. I looked in a few places but couldn't find the letters; fortunately I knew where a set of 3 photos from my Grandfather's last Thanksgiving was, so I took that instead.

Back in my room, I noticed my three Dancing Goddess Dolls. I really wanted to take Cerradwinn (Goddess of birth) - she has been my research assistant, and I plan to have her with my at baby's birth. I also had a dream Goddess whose name I cannot remember at the moment, but knowing that we would be sleeping away from home after a traumatic event, I thought she would be good to have in the space, especially for the children. Finally there was Hecate - Goddess of Home & Hearth. I decided to leave her behind, said a quick prayer to her, and left her with instructions to keep our home safe. I've never felt Goddess energy respond in quick that powerful of a way.

I found Craig to let him know we were leaving. I was hysterical at that point - each time I looked outside, there were more flames, more smoke, and everything was closer. I had stopped at my bookshelf, wanting something that would bring joy & peace. I grabbed a few books, and mourned leaving the rest behind. I also grabbed two birth books that I have been reading. Craig asked if there was anything else that I wanted him to grab. I don't remember my exact response, except that I tried to convey that I had no idea what else I wanted/needed. I cried; he held me. I made him promise that if the fire got close he would get out, even if he had to just run. He put a coupe more items - important art pieces of his - into the van, and I left with the children. The smoke had gotten thick (not dangerously so, but being pregnant & one of the kids having asthma, it was too thick for us).

As I drove out of our driveway, I looked towards the fire. At that moment, it seemed completely hopeless. The fire had spread and was now a wall of flames, north & south of us, headed directly east towards the house. The wind was gusting about 30 mph, in our direction. I burst into tears again, but knew I needed to drive. I left our home, not knowing if I would ever see it standing again.

Traffic leaving the neighborhood was incredible - apparently almost a thousand homes were being evacuated. At this point (about 5pm) many people were headed in each direction - most leaving, but quite a few trying to get to their homes to save children, animals, important items. there were also news trucks, people coming up just to see what was going on and take pictures. joe had been trying to get back - I got him on the phone and told him I didn't know if he'd be able to get there. "Fuck that," he told me. He had already broker numerous laws - speeding, driving over curbs and through medians - and said there was nothing that was going to stop him. Jordan, too, had been heading to the house - I didn't know if she would make it, but with Joe on his way I knew Craig would have a ride out. We passed him eventually; it took nearly half an hour to make the normally 3-4 minute drive out of the neighborhood.

Fire on the mountain behind our place

As we were headed to the Cottonwood House (for anyone who doesn't know, we haven't sold our old home, and have been trying to rent it - as it was sitting empty & the utilities were still connected, we simply headed there), I began having conversations with the kids. I spoke about how fortunate we were to have another house to go to - how all these other people we were passing were calling friends, family members, hotels trying to find someplace to go. I also got them all doing a visualization - we had seen one of the tankers dropping the red fire retardant on the fire, so we all imagined a HUGE vat of the red stuff over our whole property, flowing endlessly and protecting the house, the yurt, the sheds, the field, the garden. For a few moments the car was quiet as I drove.

We arrived at the house and brought in a few items - we all needed a drink, and we had juice in the car. I needed to go next door - I had gotten my medications but forgotten the box with everyone else's vitamins and such. Gabe had had 2 dental appointments in a row, and was taking lots of ibuprophin plus using a number of essential oils, and we had none of it with us. Our neighbors were surprised to see us on their doorstep, but said they had just seen the news. I asked for the ibuprofen and also asked if I could see their news feed - the picture from the report was scary - especially since you could see our house right in the midst of the fire. I read a quick report, thanked them, and went back to our place.  I started making calls & updating Facebook & responding to texts. Kevin had called while we were driving and asked what we needed - I requested some dinner, and he said he would bring chinese food. I got an update form the house - Craig, Jordan, and Joe were all working, packing items & collecting animals. Craig promised to call me when he left the house - which would mean he was either kicked out by the cops, or the fire was dangerously close. Kevin arrived with food (TONS of food!) and we ate some dinner. It was about 6pm by now.

Around 6:30, I got texts from Craig & Jordan saying that they had been escorted out by the cops. The good news was they had all of the rabbits & chickens, and the 2 baby ducks. Our two adult mallards would have to fend for themselves. The bad news was that the evacuation was mandatory. they stopped down the hill and took a last few pictures - one was posted on my Facebook account. They needed to stop by the store for cat food, rabbit food, and some more human food. Meanwhile, Joe got here with the animals - we unloaded them into the garage, where the 20 chickens are now running free in the 3rd car bay (which is closed off from the rest of the garage & house); we got them all fed & watered. By 8, Craig & Jordan got here, with the food, and more treasures (Craig rescued my scrapbooks, which made me cry again). I left to get Athan from Heather's house, where he had been playing safely with his friend Zoe all day. By the time I got back, it was 9:30 or so. Alyssa & her son Darius had gotten here by then too - Joe had towed her trailer to the nearby rodeo grounds, and she had gotten a few items out of it. We were all safe (including all of the animals), we had the basics we needed, and we were all tired. Someone put on a movie, and most of us (3 adults & 7 kids) settled in to sleep in the living room. I love that with 6600 square feet available, we all wanted to be in one room together :).

Chickens in the garage!

As of this morning, we don't know much. News reports are conflicting - 350 acres burned vs 669, for example. 4 houses lost, plus numerous structures (barns, garages, sheds, etc). We heard 60% contained, then 15% contained. All reports have confirmed that the evacuation is still under order, and there will probably be no change until this evening. I'm guessing another night here at Cottonwood, but if they lift the evacuation we will send a scout out to see what the state of things are. I am sure the house will need to be aired out (it was smelling quite smokey already at 5pm); there is the possibility of some damage. And of course there is the slight possibility that there is no house, or that it is fire damaged & uninhabitable. The pictures yesterday were all so close to our house we could monitor things; today's pictures haven't shown our home or our neighbors. I've been checking the city website every hour, but there is no new news.

I guess that's about all there is to say for now - I am sure I will be dealing with my own stress & processing for awhile, plus that of the kids. I was glad Athan was at a friend's house, and missed the drama of getting out of the house. He is in a stage right now of lots of fears, and seeing that fire might have been the end of him sleeping for weeks. Gabe was such a help - once he got his things, he just kept asking me what we needed, & how he could help. We cried for a moment together. He gathered blankets, food, and Craig's digeridoos, and packed things into the van. He's such a young man these days in so many ways, and his actions yesterday really solidified that for me. I was having tons of Braxton-Hicks contractions yesterday with all the stress, but that has stopped today as I have spent time relaxing & the immediate danger is gone. I have an appointment Monday with the midwife, so I'm looking forward to that life-affirming experience. I've been proud of everyone, and so grateful for the support of our community. thank you to everyone for the love & prayers. We are all safe, and that is what matters.

update: We were allowed to return home Saturday afternoon. Our property was untouched, though the fire came very close and things smell quite smokey. The ducks we left behind were perfectly happy, running through the yard as usual as though nothing had happened. The mountain behind us is blackened, as is the area west of us. It's amazing to think of what could have happened, and if the wind hadn't died down when it did, the damage to our home and many others would have been much, much worse.

 Charred mountainside

One more thing - today (Sunday) I made a card & Jordan & the kids & I drew pictures & wrote messages for the fire-fighters. I also made a double batch of oatmeal raisin cookies. We took them to our closest fire station. I know that people came from all over - South Jordan, Draper, Salt Lake, etc - but I felt the need to thank someone for saving our home. I took 7 of the kids - Gabe, Athan, Katie, Nate, Luke, Zion, & Eve - and we found the lieutenant at the station (the crew was out working, of course). I couldn't help but cry as we said thank you - he said, "But everything is OK, right?" and I nodded through my tears. I will be forever grateful to the work done during those 24 hours to save everyone's home & property that they could.

Week 15! It's finally time to meet with my midwife this week for our first prenatal. I can hardly wait to hear a HEARTBEAT!!!! Right now I'm crossing my fingers that it's only one - like my last pregnancy I'm kind of big. But there was only one Athan, so I'm assuming there is only one this time, too. I guess I will know for sure in about 36 hours.
I can't find a good picture for this week, so you are stuck with this:

So. I'm feeling rather good still. 15 weeks seems like a milestone for me, and I'm not sure why - it's not a half way or 1/3 way point, but the number just feels good. More meaningful than the last numbers have been. I keep bumping my belly on things - I think I have more clearance than I actually do. Today I bumped it on the wall twice, 4-5 times on the kitchen counter, once on Alyssa, and I don't even know how many times on Athan. Baby is only as big as an orange; belly is big as a watermelon.

I've been reading a few more books for the dissertation, and one that has been really great is "Women Giving Birth" which is a collection of interviews with Dutch women giving birth at home in standing & squatting positions. It's also filled with pictures, which I showed to to Athan. He is really excited about being at the birth, and I want him to be prepared for the reality. Even though I am planning to give birth in the tub, who knows how things will play out. I want him to understand there will be noise, there will probably be blood, there will definitely be fluids. I love that he and Gabe both want to be there - I may have mentioned Gabe has asked if he can cut the cord. I'm excited to have them participate, and to be there to welcome their new baby sister. Or brother. But hopefully sister.

I got the baby dresser/changing table moved today, and got a real dresser moved into my room for myself (I've been using the changing table as my dresser since we moved. Not really adequate). I even put all the baby stuff away in the dresser. I'm terribly unprepared, lol - I have about a days worth of clothing. Maybe two if it's a slow day. Good thing I still have 25ish weeks to prepare.

I was getting all of the paperwork ready for Thursday's appointment with Cathy (midwife), and it started an interesting conversation with Joe. I forget that he hasn't lived in this natural birth world - this is his first rodeo with the non-mainstream pregnancy & birth experience. He said "I don't even know what a midwife is." Totally valid thing to ask about. And it was a good reminder for me that I need to be talking to him about everything along the way.

I'm hoping to make a mid-week post with a recording :) week 15.5 coming soon!

Week 14 :)

OK now I can say I am officially over the nausea, without knocking on wood or anything else. Still dealing with the long list of allergies I mentioned last week - even had one of my awful big break-outs which appears to have been from some butternut squash. I'm hoping to get some of the allergies cleared up with my angel (aka my accupuncturist) tomorrow. I am REALLY missing fruit, and being able to eat things with eggs in them would be nice (even though the idea of eating an actual egg still makes my stomach turn).

The first maternity thing I bought was a dress - this Friday marks the start of a string of summer wedding I will be attending, and I knew that nothing in my closet was going to fit me for all of these events. So the dress will be on her maiden voyage as Troy & Candace tie the knot. I'm grateful to have an appetite to take with me to all of these events as well!

A friend of mine had her baby last week - at 29 weeks. Poor little guy was 3lb 1oz, and is in the NICU where he will probably stay for the next 10-12 weeks. Another friend just had a client deliver at 22 weeks, the baby lived for about 40 minutes. It has me alert to all of the things that could go wrong. It's hard to not think of those things when someone else is going through the trauma (in the case of the 29 week pregnancy it was extreme preclamsia). Fetuses are so delicate in so many ways. They need every week of those 40 weeks to be able to fully thrive at birth. Of course 38 weeks is considered full term, but those extra 2 weeks make such a difference in weight gain, immune development, and lung development.

Having the allergic reaction was scary for me - I had to call my midwife to see about taking Benadryl, which is my go-to solution for the hives, itchiness and occasional shortness of breath. I don't take ANYTHING when I'm pregnant - not so much as an aspirin for a headache - so it was a big deal to know there was something that I needed. She assured me that it was safe, so long as I'm not taking it all the time. And of course breathing & living is pretty important - my alternate would have been to get to the ER to have them give me something safe for the baby. Having gone through that experience makes me even more anxious to hear this baby's heartbeat - I need to know that everything is OK and normal. I'm definitely growing, and feel the occasional bounce on my full bladder, so I know s/he is in there, doing what s/he should be doing. But some external reassurance would be nice right now. In fact, I need to call Cathy now & get that appointment set up!

Week 13.
To start out on a positive note, I feel SOOOO much better. I have energy most of the time (can still use a daily nap, though!), I haven't felt nauseous for 3 days (knock on wood), and I even felt the baby move - like little fizzy carbonated bubbles in my uterus. I over-did it on Friday & Saturday, so Sunday I spent the day in bed to rest & re-hydrate. Totally worth it, and by Monday morning I was up and ready to rock. I did make sure I took lots of little breaks & drank plenty of water, so I didn't end up back in bed today!

On the less positive side, I saw my accupuncturist again today, which was wonderful except we were trying to isolate the rest of my food allergies. Awhile back, before I got some of my health issues under control, I was allergic to everything. But that was because my body's systems were so screwed up they were rejecting everything. I'm still having skin issues, so we decided to test things again and see what I am actually allergic to at this point. Here's the current list:

Wheat
Peanuts (these two we figured out 2 weeks ago, taking them out of my diet did nothing for my skin)
Beef
Pork
Bison
Veal
Fish
Shell-fish
onions
garlic
eggs
pepper (including the seasoning, which I hate anyway)
cilantro (known this one for awhile)
apricots
cherries
plums
peaches
apples
bananas
oranges
lemons
limes
grapefruit
pineapple
berries
grapes
etc... name a fruit, I'm allergic. except avocados.

So basically, I am left with protein powders & chicken, dairy (thank the goddesses for that!), avocado,  brown rice I can't digest white rice), nuts except peanuts, and vegetables. Did I mention that I'm pregnant and starving??? Not to mention that it's summer & all the yummy fruits are starting to come in - I've been eating cherries off the Sego Lily tree like mad! I can't eat my normal Luna Bars that get me through the day because they all have berries or lemon. I'm going to be living on plain yogurt and celery with almond butter. Fortunately we are going to try some allergy elimination next week, starting with the fruits, to see if we can clear at least some of that up. Cross your fingers for that one, I can't live without my fruit!!!!

The other thing I am noticing is that I really dislike this stage of pregnancy. I'm showing, but just barely; I no longer 'feel' pregnant because I am not throwing up, my boobs don't hurt, and there is no baby kicking me in the ribs yet. It's my worry period - until I have heard a heart-beat (hopefully next week!), and then get to the stage of feeling baby moving around in there all the time, I start to question if I'm actually pregnant, or if I just had a REALLY bad flu. I know that's silly - I have pictures of the positive pregnancy to test to prove otherwise - but I went through this same thing with Gabe & Athan (With Corbin I threw up way into month 5, when I could already feel him moving, so I didn't experience this 'dead zone'). It's the ONLY thing that makes me want an ultra-sound - just to prove to myself that there is an actual living creature in the extra bump on my belly. I won't get one unless there is some concern & real need for it (like when we thought Athan might be twins because I was measuring so huge!), but right now, in these few weeks, I want to see this baby. But only while s/he is still inside me, of course!

That's about it for an update today. I am excited that my 'baby' turns 6 tomorrow, so there will be much celebrating, I am sure! Hard to believe there will be such a gap in my kids' ages. It's nice though, no babies to chase while I am raising this baby!