28 weeks

Oops, kind of forgot to write yesterday... thank you once again for the 3 of your ho freak out every time I forget to pot my blog posts on Tuesdays. You know who you are - and you should know how loved I feel that you FREAK when you don't get to read a Tuesday update from me!

So... the belly is getting bigger, & the weather is getting cooler. which is probably why I was out buying maternity pants & long sleeve shirts yesterday. I have a love/hate relationship with buying maternity clothes, especially this time around - I LOVE having clothes that are cute & show off the belly, and mostly that are comfortable.... and I HATE spending too much money on clothes I am going to wear for 4 months & give away. Besides, they are all overpriced - most of what I have been wearing has come from second hand stores, which has been nice, but I could not find a single pair of jeans with the belly bands that I like (the ones that come up over your whole belly), and while there have been plenty of long sleeved T's & sweaters, they have all bee really, really ugly. So I broke down & spent a little bit of $ yesterday. Which means I need someone else to really step up & buy the car seat on my registry ;)

I realized I hadn't taken a photo of the giant beach ball... I mean baby belly... in awhile, so I posed in front of the mirror this morning. I haven't seen my toes while standing up in months, now you can see why.... you can also see the new top I got yesterday ;)

What else? It feels like a 'plugging along' kind of week. September has FLOWN by, soccer, Sego Lily, baby projects, and life have kept me so busy I barely notice the passing of time. Next week it will be time for another midwife appointment already; we've finished 5 or 6 weeks of birth classes already; it's getting clod outside already... December is going to be here before I know it, and that is both exciting & scary! I'm excited for so many things happening before then, that I know it's going to come too soon. But, like I've written before, I may need you all to remind me of these words when those last few weeks start dragging!

Much love to you all :))))

THIRD TRIMESTER!

Welcome to week 27, the official beginning of the 3rd trimester. Actually, there are so many different variations as to when the trimesters begin & end - it's a good indication that really, we just have very little idea how this is all supposed to work... But, since '40 weeks' is the expected pregnancy length, and at 27 weeks that leaves about 13 weeks which is about 1/3 of the total 40, I'll stick with this one. Did you follow that? Don't worry, neither did I and I am the one who wrote it...

I've been saying for a couple of weeks that my lovely, glorious 2nd trimester energy has been waning. Yet another indication that, as I am fond of saying, my body never read the textbooks that outline how this is supposed to be done. I'm much more tired, I feel like if my belly swells another millimeter it will explode, and I'm getting up 3-5 times a night instead of once. On the positive side, baby's movements are still constant but are rarely painful now - s/he loves to have hiccup parties, and dance to some celestial music that only s/he can hear. I imagine it sounds something like angel wings fluttering, or bells ringing, but being 41+ years this side of that particular veil, it's just a guess. Whatever it is, it has a pretty cool rhythm, if the dancing is any indication.

I have so many things I still want to do before baby gets here - mostly getting every inch of the house clean, getting all of the holiday shopping complete, securing the Sego Lily School grant (still crossing fingers on that one), and making a few more things for baby. I have been having fun making these adorable little newborn gowns (complete with the little hand flaps!) out of old t-shirts:

In fact, Gabe made the one on the left - he was bored on Saturday, and so I taught him how to use the sewing machine & walked him through the steps. It's a simple project, but not necessarily one I would turn over to a beginner. He did very well, and I only had to make two minor corrections when he was finished. I'm working on a few more of them - seriously, these are super easy to make if you know how to do a few basic things, I think with cutting time I'm at about 20-25 minutes each. Cost-wise, I bought a few pieces of knit ribbing for the neck edges, plus thread & a tiny piece of elastic. Combine that with the cost of a free old t-shirt, they are probably somewhere around the $1.25 range, max. I can't wait to see baby in some of them (but will happily wait another 12-14 weeks!) :)

Speaking of things I want to see baby in! A few weeks back I posted that I was having all 12 of the kids create a square for a quilt, using plain white fabric & sharpie markers. I finally took some time to piece it all together and it is pretty darn cute:

Unfortunately I CANNOT get this photo to rotate, but if you turn your head right you can see all of the cute drawings... anyway I'm pretty happy with it, it needs a good washing to get rid of the fabric sizing, but other than that it is complete. Lots of love for the baby when s/he gets here!

Other than the emotional roller-coaster I seem to be on for the last week, that is the extent of what is happening here in the pregnancy realm. We are having a HUGE Harvest party here this weekend (locals, get on over here, 2-10!), so I'm trying to get a bit of the house in order today, which is my only real free day before Saturday. I alternate between wanting to do 'my part' and thinking, screw it, no one else is pregnant, they can get the house ready... at least after today I will feel like I have contributed a bit. Now, off for a bit more sewing, and the much needed daily nap!

Week 26

Another week down already! This one few by fast. Probably something to do with the start of school, a super busy weekend, and a couple days of handling all the kids on my own. Or maybe it's just regular life.

Had an appointment with my wonderful midwife, Cathy, on Thursday. Everything still looks great - belly the right size, blood pressure good, etc. I haven't felt like there was anything weird going on,  so I wasn't surprised. We had a great chat about kids & families & the mental breakdown I had over the spilled pickles. I seriously could not believe it had been 4 weeks since I had seen her last. She'll be back in October, then we start every 2 week visits until 36 weeks.

As today is September 11th, it had me thinking of this day 11 years ago. I was 8 months pregnant with Gabe the day I checked my online support group email & read all of the posts asking if Asha - one of our mamas - was OK. I had no idea what was happening yet, only that something was going on in new York City. I turned on the TV to sights of a burning Trade Center building.

Like many, I was shocked. Like some, I had friends & family to worry about (a cousin in the city, another cousin working in the Pentagon, and several friends in the city). But also, like millions, I had to wonder what else was going to happen. Was this the beginning of a war? An isolated incident? I hugged my belly & cried.

A few years before, pregnant with Corbin, my step-son lost a friend in a gang shooting. Watching those teens deal with loss, & their own mortality, was heart-wrenching. I questioned what kind of screwed up world I was bringing a child into. Who was I to have the right to bring an innocent being into a world where young adults pull up to a stop light & shoot a girl in the next car for no reason? It took weeks of soul-searching to come to the conclusion that I was just the right person to bring a new human into the world - someone committed to making a difference, and making this world a better place. I also knew that I would raise my child to be compassionate, loving, and to bring something into the world that would make a difference - somewhere, somehow.

A few days after 9/11/01, I reminded myself of those days & weeks of being pregnant with Corbin. I had learned by then that my family & friends were safe, though emotionally scarred. The country had learned by then that WWIII had not started on American soil, and that while there were wounds to heal, and deaths to mourn, we too were safe. And I had remembered that this baby, too, would be raised to be loving, compassionate, and to make a difference.

I am grateful that this time around, 9/11 and that gang shooting are memories from which I learned. Our night of the fire evacuation was difficult enough to endure, with no death or possible wars to confront. Life is busy & stressful enough - especially during pregnancy - without these intense life lessons rearing their heads. So this week, I will focus on remembering lessons I have already learned, and spending all the time I can hugging my belly. Without the tears.

Week 25 - and it's September!

Fall is definitely in the air! At least it was in June Lake, CA, where I spent the last 5 days with my family to celebrate my brother's wedding. It feels like there may be some fall here in SLC, too, although I haven't felt a 40 degree evening yet ;) It was fun to share my belly with the family, although I was sick as well as pregnant, so it was a bit of a tough weekend. Still getting some of my voice back as it keeps coming & going. Mostly, of course, it was wonderful to see my parents & siblings, and spend time with my boys.

I love the fall - the smells, the chill in the air, warm sweaters, pumpkin pie, chai, fall colors.... the list goes on & on. I don't know that I have a favorite season, but if I did it would probably be fall. And of course this year, fall means closer to baby time. It was also the first day of school today, so the belly & I spent the day today at Sego Lily School. It was pretty exhausting after just coming back from our trip last night, but honestly I think it would have been exhausting regardless. I've spent the evening at home with my feet up - baby is going a bit crazy doing flips & tricks, which I think is the result of having spent the whole day being rocked to sleep since I didn't stop moving for 7 hours. The rest is nice; feeling baby move is always something that makes me smile.

I don't really have a rant this week, which is kind of nice. I do have a midwife appointment this week, and it does NOT feel like it's been 4 weeks already! After this I will be seeing her every 2 weeks, which should make time fly even more. I am getting inspired to start doing some work on the yurt to create a birth space. I'm also hoping to get some details handled about holidays for this year- I do NOT want them to sneak up on me! Just the fact that it is September has me in a bit of a panic... it's probably time to make some lists, talk to the family, and put in some structures to keep the panic at bay. I also think it's time to go get some chai!

Week 24 +1

Hi everyone! It's week 24 over here (plus a day, 'cause I missed my blogging day yesterday). For some reason 24 feels good - I don't know why, it just feels like some sort of milestone for something.

The big news here is that school is starting next week, I am taking my boys on a road trip tomorrow morning for brother Jer's wedding, my doctoral session starts pretty much now, and I'm sure there are about 50 things of a more minor nature that I could list as well. Like the fact that there are so many veggies coming in, Jordan or I has been canning basically every day. Or that there are so many soccer games & practices between now and the end of October that I am not certain I can even count that high. Or that I get to go play at Sego Lily School starting Tuesday, which is something I have really missed this summer. Etc.

For me, this is all 'big news' because I have said about a jillion times that I know that once fall hits, time in this pregnancy is going to FLY. There is SO MUCH going on between now & when this baby arrives, I can't imagine having a moment to be bored or anxious or counting the days (not that I would ever have an exact number of days to count anyway, but you get the idea). Now that it's really here (the marathon starts in about 14 hours), I'm both happy/excited, and sad/mourning. Happy/excited because these are all things I have been looking forward to. Sad/mourning because honestly, this is my last pregnancy and while of course I cannot wait to meet this baby, I also am cherishing these pregnant moments and I don't really want them to end. Note to friends and family: please remember to quote me on this around week 38/39 when I am way more interested in giving birth NOW.

The other news of note is that we started our birth class last week. Nothing much to report, the leader is cute (though I am much well versed in the material than she seemed to be, but that might be her nervousness, who knows). They did one of those exercises with a backpack filled with stuff to represent the baby, extra fat, amniotic fluid, etc, it weighed about 35 pounds total, and each of the dads wore it for awhile. It made a big impact on Joe - he said it was sitting on his bladder the whole time, lol, so he understood kind of what it must be like for me. I appreciate that he really let that in - it feels like he's been sweeter to me this week as a result :). Of course that might be my imagination. We have class again tonight. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut while I'm there - I only added things about 40% of the time last week. I'm aiming for 25% this time. We shall see.

Wish me luck - lots of driving ahead this weekend (about 10 hours each way, and I'm the only adult). I almost wish Corbin was 2 years older and had a learner's permit, though I don't know if I could handle him driving on highways at 75 MPH. Actually just typing all of that made me realize that I DO NOT actually wish he was 2 years older. Forget I even said that....

Week 23.

There is a large mango in my uterus, and it weighs about 1.5 pounds. At least this is what my pregnancy tracker is telling me. I know this mango to be an inspiring gymnast and/or slam dancer, who feels the need to spend most of every day wriggling or hiccuping in my belly. I love every minute of it.

This little 'who' is one lucky who. With somewhere between 7-12 brothers & sisters who are awaiting his/her arrival. We had a conversation at the breakfast table last week that went something like this:

Gabe(10): I'm going to teach the baby to skate & bike & scooter, and probably to play soccer, too.

Joe: What if s/he turns out to be better than you?

Gabe: Then I guess I will quit competing and become a coach.

Athan(6): I'm going to teach the baby to swim & rock climb & play Minecraft

Gabe: I'm never letting this baby near you on the computer. Minecraft is stupid and will rot it's brain.

Eve(7) (Jordan's daughter): There's a baby in Jen's tummy, you know!

Luke (2): That's my sister!!!!

Eve: well it's kind of like my sister too, except it isn't, well maybe sort of. I don't really know. But I would really like it to be my sister.

Darius (6, friend who lives on our property): mama, will this baby be like my brother or sister, too?

Alyssa (his mom): not really, but you can call it anything you want, I bet Jen would be OK with that.

Darius: Jen, can it be my brother or sister? All of these kids have brothers & sisters & I don't.

Me: well, when the baby is born, it isn't going to know who it's 'real' brothers & sisters are - so if you love it, it will love you back like a brother.

Darius: That's freaking awesome.

I agree with Darius - it's freaking awesome. Babies come into the world with no boundaries - s/he won't know that this child is a half sister, this one is technically not related at all, this one is a cousin, etc. There are just PEOPLE - all different sizes, colors, shapes & smells. And there is LOVE. Period. Oh, and hunger, wetness, and cold ;) Have to deal with those, too....

We are getting close to settling on some names - they will not be released to the public before the birth ;). But I am falling in love with baby even more as s/he gets more concrete. This will be a real person, with a name & a nickname, and arms & legs and all of those wonderful things.

I also met with Ginger of Earthside Birth Photography - I'm so excited to have her attend the birth and capture the sacred event - she does beautiful work, and knowing her philosophy of non-intrusiveness with birth, I know she will be a perfect person to have around. She is also excited to photograph in the Yurt - it's a really beautiful & unique space, I'm getting more excited to nest out there close to the birth & have the baby born into its' sacred walls. We also start birth class tomorrow night - Joe has never experienced a natural birth before, and I need him trained ;). It will be nice to meet with some other pregnant women, too, even though I probably know more about birth that the woman teaching the class, as wonderful as she is. I'll take it as an opportunity to spread some wisdom when I can, and provide support as needed. And take the support where it is offered.

Week 22 (plus a couple of days)

Week 22! This post is a couple of days late - it's been a whirlwind around here the last few days, and I have had very little time to sit down, much less quiet moments at my computer for writing or reflecting.

(I can no longer stand to insert pictures of developing fetuses here - the image search turns up too many miscarried babies born around this time - so just imagine a cute image of a 22 week fetus in utero...)

My 2nd trimester energy has continued - I've canned a ton of pickles, some apple pie filling, and a few jars of grape jam (Jordan did most of a batch and ran out of pectin, I finished the last few jars). I've also decided to make pear cider for the first time - we now have a system to get a bunch of the pears from Sego Lily, which usually end up on the ground as the tree is too high. I am sure we will make some pear jam & nectar, and the rest will make cider. Which, of course, I won't be able to enjoy myself much until after baby comes, but I got so inspired about the whole idea that I just can't help myself! I've also been trying to catch up the scrapbooks at least a little - starting now & working backwards has been a good strategy, as I'm about 3 years behind, YIKES! Joe & I got the hallway at Sego Lily finished (painting) & I've done most of the prep work in the playroom, which is the last planned project for this summer. Then of course, there is the compulsive cleaning/nesting, soccer tournament & practices for Gabe, and all the usual stuff - laundry, meals, dishes, etc. It's no wonder I feel tired, but I just can't seem to help myself...

In other news, I was asked three times yesterday "Any day now, huh?" My belly is big - I always tend to show a LOT, due to my relatively short torso (baby has to go somewhere, and out front seems to be the logical place). But really, at 5 months, I don't think I look ready to pop! Perhaps it's my own knowledge of just how house-like I get by month 7 or so; to others, it's all relative, they see a large belly & think it must be almost time. I never take offense to this, but it does make me giggle to see people's expressions when I tell them "Not until Christmas!"

The other thing everyone wants to know, of course, is "are you having a boy or a girl?" This one does bother me a tad. First, just the whole idea that as a society we need to know the answer to this question before babies are born. Ans second (and more importantly) why does it matter? I saw a great cartoon a few weeks back, with a woman holding a small infant, where someone asked "So what is your baby's gender?" The mother's reply was something like "We don't know yet, we're waiting until she is old enough to discover that!" Sex, of course, is obvious at birth. Gender is something wholly different. And most people have no idea what that means. Which for me, is an issue.

Let's say I have another boy. OK, sex = male. Gender = ?. When he is old enough to gender identify, will he be heterosexual? Will he identify as female, and chose to live that way? Or somewhere else altogether? No infant has gender identification of any kind. And I don't feel that as a parent it is my duty to decide how to answer that question for my babies/children, anymore than I would tell you what my child is going to chose for a career when he/she grows up. There have been a lot of stories in the media lately about families not even disclosing their child's sex, so as to ensure no one places gender roles upon them. I personally wouldn't go that far, but I do try hard to not place gender roles on my children (boys are strong, girls are pretty; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls). Speaking of, do you know how freaking hard it is to find gender-neutral baby clothes????? Just give me some damn yellow, green, and white clothes that don't have trucks or flowers on them for goddess's sake. Is that too much to ask?

When I was a child, my mother apparently gave me a truck for Christmas, and gave my brother Jesse (about 2 years younger) a doll. She says we took one look at each other & traded immediately. OK fine, that was our CHOICE. My boys have all had dolls - in fact when Gabe was born, Corbin would carry his doll in the little sling I got for him, nurse his baby, and put it to bed when Gabe was napping. I know if I have a girl she will have dolls, too - this nurturing is a learned behavior that all people need to experience & explore. But she will also have trucks, and legos, and anything else she enjoys. My boys have had plenty of those things, too. Oh, and I promise that any daughter of mine will NOT own any of the new 'girl' legos - I'm disgusted that construction toys have become gender based and segregated. I have my own Lego collection of both the Frank Lloyd Wright houses (I have Falling Water & the Robie house), and the collectible street series - hotel, pet store, city hall, cafe, etc). I'm a pretty girlie girl, in many ways, and I did NOT need these things made in pink for me. I was just as capable of building them & enjoying them in their real colors that reflect the brick & wood of real construction without having them 'feminized.' For those that haven't seen them yet, here is what I am talking about:

Pink Lego. Because Goddess forbid a girl enjoy the blue, red & yellow ones....

Anyway... I do enjoy screwing with people when they ask "Do you know what you are having yet?" My response is always, "A baby!" and if they give me a confused look, I add, for clarification, "A human baby!" And you know what? I know I'm right, even though the ultrasound tech never did directly confirm that particular assumption.